The DB Graveyard...Bury Your Ghosts Here

[sage]

Somebody hand me the shovel!

Here we go:

ow shrouded in all of her deceptions, lies, manipulations as she made every attempt to befriend me while deceiving me. Went out of her way to insert herself into my life.

I'm going to toss on top of that the insecurity list I posted on Pam's party thread...we'll make a separate copy (we're burning one of them!) and we'll bury it deep in the ground.

Then I'm gonna toss on top of that every memory of h's responses to me during the a...the "evilness and paranoia" comment, the blank stares, the encouraging me to go see a C for my "trust issues".

I'm gonna toss my mother's inane comments in there too...how as the ow herself she claims it's the LBS' fault...how the w "must know and be ok with it" if she's not doing anything about it.

I'm going to toss in the memory of the emails that I found...the pet names, the indications that they had seen each other while I was at school. The stupid invite to see Julie Andrews and Christopher Plumber when they came to town (as if!), the woe is me tone of "I really wish we could go out for a REAL date" (oh, sorry, ow, such is your lot in life!). The email she sent after seeing me for the last time "I really think she knows something". The jacka$$ emails she sent after he told her it was over.

I'm putting in there the way I used to feel when he'd go check his emails so late at night. the wondering when I'd be sitting in class at school if they were together.

I'm going to put in "I'm not sure I want to be married to you" and "I want a divorce". I'll put in there "It has never felt right...you know that."

It's time to throw the dirt on top. What am I using for strength?

All the DB muscle I've acquired, the support of my BB friends, the love my h has shown me, the work that he has done to heal us, and my own strength in healing, too.

Sage