still separated, in limbo, still hopeful

[newmama]

Thanks Ladies! Now on that positive note I have realized that I am getting a little too addicted to DB forum and FB. SO
I am going to take a hiatus/vacation/sabbatical whatever you want to call it.

My plan is at the minimum report back after my trip to MO. But I might wait longer. So I will be back either April 12 or maybe later...but no matter if I D or R I will report to give an update. we all want to know what happens to people, right?

Thanks for your support and encouragement and even the tough questions. Peace out!

[flowmom]

We'll be here for you if you need us newmama. Hugs to you!!

[Piano]

Will miss your posts but go well!!

[avermont]

It's good to take a hiatus from FB and this forum every once in awhile.

Come back refreshed! We will be thinking of you while you take this much deserved break.

[courageous wife]

I am trying to taper off a little too and spend more time with the kiddoes! Will miss your positive attitude and perkiness!!!! Have a great "vacation"!!!

[june72]

June- have you dealt with infidelity?

No I never have. I have no clue how it would feel. I know that there are some really great people on this site who have successfully dealt with it like Puppy and Allen. Have you sought out there advice?

Do you know me?

No, I don't know you at all. I have religiously read along b/c I like your perky positive attitude. And some of those recipes-lol.

Do you know people who have overcome adversity in their lives and thrived? Are those people in denial of their feelings?

Yes I do know people who have overcome horrible adversity. Second question, not sure how it relates to the people I know when I think it is meant more concerning you it I get it right. Yeah, I do think you are in somewhat of in a denial- not so much about feelings but... gosh, how do I say this, realities (not the right word can't find a better one though) of course that is my opinion.

I don't know why I care...it's my choice and my life. So that's the end of my defensiveness- it NOT GOOD FOR PMA!!!!

It totally 100% is your choice, your life. I am all for good PMA.

Gosh, how do I say this with out hurting your feelings. I don't want to hurt your feelings but... this is how I see it.
The man has been cheating on your for a long time. Left you while pregnant against the approval of friends, family and co-workers. Is actually living with her. Has been living with her for quite some time.
I don't know if it's healthy to keep your hopes up that he will return. I mean you stated once that giving up is losing. It is not losing in my mind.
Ugg!
I mean what would an IC say. What do your friends and family say. I think the family and his is still for fighting for the marraige right?


I really think, IMO, he has made a new life now. And is treating you as a friend. I think it is really, really shitty of him. When you cried in front of him and then confided your real feeling. I did not see any indication of him desiring to change the status quo.

I just think this is a very very unhealthy dynamic.

I think I am known as the resident pain int he butt here on the boards. But I would like to think of myself as an alternative view point. Maybe one that is so very incredibly wrong but maybe an opinion that will make you think about things in a different light maybe? perhaps, IDK.

I really did not mean to upset you. I just have an abrupt way about me. I actually hate that quality that I have. I upset people with out really intending to. Just ask Kalni. I am sure she loves to see my posts. I am chuckling as I say that...(not in a mean way though...in a nice way, at myself)

Anyhow, I was so good with not going in these boards and the past 24 hours... psst!

[WhatNow]

June,
Not that NM needs me "sticking up" for her, but I am going to stick up for all of us Betrayed Spouses who have to listen to your POV from well-meaning friends and family every day. Your intentions are good, I know you hate to see us in pain, but your perspective is uneducated, uninformed, and at worst, hurtful. We come here for an understanding support. Maybe you should refrain from advising on the infidelity thread if you can't shake pom poms at us. We give each other advice based on a "been there before you" POV. "Watch out for that pothole!" kind of thing. We get enough other POV's from real life, IRL.

Newmama's H is a textbook example of a wayward spouse. Many researchers have scientific evidence (Helen Fisher, Daniel Amen) of the brain in a romantic affair is exactly like that of a drug addict (I'm saving myself from going into dopamine receptor and lobe activity details). Many other researchers say more marriages than not, continue and even thrive after an affair. MWD says one person can save a marriage. The premise of this site is based on that idea.

Newmama has one of healthiest and effective Plan A's going!


Enjoy yourself nm! Other betrayed spouses, keep on DBing, Plan Ain', and Plan B'in!

[Day by Day]

June,
Not that NM needs me "sticking up" for her, but I am going to stick up for all of us Betrayed Spouses who have to listen to your POV from well-meaning friends and family every day. Your intentions are good, I know you hate to see us in pain, but your perspective is uneducated, uninformed, and at worst, hurtful. We come here for an understanding support. Maybe you should refrain from advising on the infidelity thread if you can't shake pom poms at us. We give each other advice based on a "been there before you" POV. "Watch out for that pothole!" kind of thing. We get enough other POV's from real life, IRL.

Hold up now... not that June needs any sticking up for either, but as another Betrayed Spouse, I say for WhatNow to speak for yourself. I won't tell June to refrain from advising. She's given me helpful supportive advice on my thread. I find her posts to be kind, respectful and delicately stated. Especially this last post to NM.

As for shaking pom poms.... NM I have to say, one of your last comments on my thread soured me from posting anymore about my sitch. June had a delicate way of supporting me instead.

I'm done DBing myself... moving on, no longer serving my heart on a platter to someone who disrespects me with OW and hoping for him to value me instead. Much happier now that I've closed the door. Gained self-respect--joining P17 and CB in moving on and much happier for it.

[june72]

Hi guys,
I appreciate all the feedback and really my intent was not to upset NM. I have done huge amount of reading on marraige, infidelity, etc, I have been watching this board for years. No I have NO experience with infidelity none.

I think sadly too often- people say supportive words to each other on this message board but don't ask the hard questions.

I see a situation were I think NM is not detached enough. I think she is going down an unhealthy road. She is too interested in tiny, tiny details about her WAS. IMO, she has to detach a whole heck of a lot more from this cake-eating man.

I like NM, I really, really do. She is the first thread I go to to see how her live is going. I LOVE her GAL efforts.

You just see someone in a bad situation and you want to yell out- 'No, NO, don't do it".

And now I feel I have basically scared her off the boards here. That s@cks, I don't want her to leave I want her to stay and post. Or do whatever makes her comfortable.

I true kindness is to not sugar coat things and IDK, IDK... IDK can't express myself.
I don't know what to say. NM, come back. I won't post anymore on your thread, ok. I think this is a great place to journal. I know that I've really found it helpful.
Please don't shut down.

[june72]

DbD nice to see you hope things are going better. God your hubby acts like an NPD- not that I know naything from anything. BUt once you get away from such an unhealthy person- doesn't it make you feel better.