OIN, you don't understand. For the WAW, the fact that she has stopped contacting OM "is" part of the rebuilding. I don't have the stages like Allen does, but I can tell you that for me I could not instantly change overnight into the W that my H wanted to see throwing myself 100% into working (as he defined work). As I told my H, I had to get to the place where I was willing "to be willing" to start. I had no energy to put into our R. I had no desire for my H. I was not a happy camper. Do you get that? I was doing what I knew was the right thing to do.......stay. Each day I focused on "staying" and not giving into the temptation to contact OM. If you can't see that as the WAW "working" then you are not going to be able to make it through her period of grieving b/c you will be too impatient and will be putting too much pressure on the W.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
