First, read the book (it doesn't take that long), go to the website, take the test, you may be surprised.
While you may have changed things through actions, they may not have been the "right" actions.
Additionally, if the changes didn't stick, then they either weren't the right changes OR they were not real.
We all get tired. We all get sad. We all get to the point where we don't think we can do this one second longer...
And maybe with your current R you will eventually say that you can't. That is up to you.
Trust me, you may not think your H sees changes that you have made so far. He does.
You may believe his words, and he does believe them right now. But you have already talked about the fact that things are not so rosy with OW anymore.
Honestly, that, right now, is irrelevant. Your H is still running. He has not begun to look inside yet.
However...
You have pretty much mastered detatchment...
Now, it is time for you to take your next step...
This is the really really fukcnig hard part.
My friend Mach, he has placed you before the mirror and asked you to take a look. Maybe a look in the right direction for your next step.
He is right, your NEXT R deserves this. Whether a new R with your H or a new R with someone else, no one knows. But either way, it deserves this work and introspection. YOU deserve to give this gift to yourself.
While it is hard and it sucks, IF you do this, you WILL look back and be amazed at how far you have come. And you will see it as a gift.
Look in the mirror a bit more closely. You can curse Mach while you are doing it, he won't mind...
But eventually, you may just thank him...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
