Gardener,I take it you played a little Barry White the other night to brighten the mood?
No not that night. I do have another "guilty pleasure" that I rarely admit to, though: Abba! (Shhh. Don't tell anyone.) And I did crank up some - Oh my God - 35-37 year-old Bachman-Turner Overdrive. Like many bands, their first two or three were great; subsequent ones kind of formulaic and cranked out. But I, II and Not Fragile were real a$$-kickers!
Originally Posted By: BigJohn
I'm not completely thrilled to (apparently) be starting all over again at 42, not to mention the hurt to the kids and the financial wipe out
I don't blame you. But I must say that I started over at 39 after 1st D and wound up with over 16 years of love, life, and happiness that I never dreamed possible. But at 56, I'm not overly thrilled at the prospect again, nor the financial wipeout. At least the "kids" are all in their 30s, settled and pursuing their lives.
Gypsy, Amen on all counts. Funk ain't always bad, crying is cleansing and deleting the Gardeners' soundtrack was definitely overdue. Though today a song came on that I hadn't deleted since it had no association with us: Missy Higgins' Where I Stood: "Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you. All I know is that I should. And I don't know if I can stand another hand upon you. All I know is that I should." Got rid of THAT one, too. And the truck payments? Thank God!
FLTC, I don't visit many threads anymore for the same reason. I stay away from Newcomers because it is so emotionally draining except for a few who I've grown close to. Mostly I stay here at Surviving, though I really should visit all of your threads more often. And I'll answer your brutal candor with brutal candor. I had a plan in mind right after New Years' myself. New Year's Eve was particularly rough. Just couldn't take it anymore. Even thought of inviting my brother over the next morning on the pretense of going out to breakfast so he'd be the one to find me, not X or son. Planned on putting a note on bedroom door saying, "Don't come in. Just call 911. I'm sorry." But I fought hard out of that by getting active, envisioning my children's ensuing months and years in the aftermath and by "revisiting" the whole aftermath when a friend of mine did it by pistol in his garage in '08. Back then, I anguished over "Why?' and "Why didn't he reach out?" and "Did I miss any signals?!" Got myself out of a real dark place I don't ever want to be in again.
Avermont, I have gotten better (for the most part) at squashing the funk when it appears. And yeah, I go more now for the Sabbath, Zeppelin, Ramones, and Johnny Thunders and the Heartbreakers' scream-alongs My best friend, Anthony (R.I.P.) was their bass player. Those and my always-preferred Mountain with my favorite rock guitar virtuoso, Leslie West: www.youtube.com/watch?v=qc02XRNR7jo Borders, Starbucks, the gym. I AM getting out somewhat, not to worry. And God knows what shape I'd be in if not for the exercising and the 20+ supplements a day!
And, Lord, yes: Time. Time. Time. Don't know what I'd do without you people sometimes. Thanks.
Today's Bummer (which I am NOT going to take personally) comes from Best Sister-In-Law. She and I have always been close, she stays neutral and I even visited her one night last week. Now, admittedly, I've posted some pretty sappy -but poignant -videos on my Gardenerman fb page. But on my regular page, I've only occasionally quoted some lyrics that reflected my mood of the day or the sitch. Posted both my sadness and gratitude for many wonderful years on D Day. Nothing bad. SIL and I even chatted fairly often on fb right up until yesterday - about the weather, the storms and her dog!.
Today's message: "Hi Gardener -
I'm sorry - but I am un-friending you on FB. This way you can post whatever and I can feel comfortable that I am not being "unfaithful" to my sister. She still comes first with me and I don't want to know more than I already know about you two.
Have fun on FB - and be kind to my sister!!"
Not taking it personally. She just may feel awkward. No assumptions: she may still think the world of me for all I know. Although we'll see if she replies to my response asking her to please clarify what she might have seen there that she deemed offensive, because I would never offend her.
Oh well. On it goes.(and, as usual, on and on I go!) And once again, here it is 8:00 am and I haven't slept a wink tonight.
Last edited by Gardener; 03/18/1012:00 PM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
My best friend, Anthony (R.I.P.) was their bass player. Those and my always-preferred Mountain with my favorite rock guitar virtuoso, Leslie West: 
