Sorry your wife is checking your posts. I suspect my DH is also, as we used to post here together.
I don't think that her checking will matter much from the DB side of things. After all, if the work you are doing is on YOU then what does she have to complain about? If you're talking about her finding out your plans to do extra-db things (meaning outside of MWD suggestions) then probably she shouldn't know, as they then involve her.
Not much you can do about keeping your kids away from him, unless you have that conversation with her... I think it's best for the children not to be involved in anything going on in our lives until we both know what we are doing and where we're headed. Can we both make that promise to each other? My DH accepted Christmas presents from his OW for his children (my steps) and that hurt almost more than anything else he had done. Put this globe she had given him on OUR table, that MY grandparents had given me before they passed on. Ouch... they do stupid things because they think they are entitled and feel they are doing nothing wrong. Believe me, she'll realize it one day and feel bad. However, much like a teenager who will "one day" realize why you did the things you did, the temper tantrums and "I hate yous" hurt now.
Set boundaries, and then detach, GAL and become the person you know yourself to be inside. Be all you can be, to borrow a campaign slogan from Uncle Sam.
