Sh, I know exactly what you are saying about the years of mutual adoration, and support. Family and friends were blown away by what H did. Made them take a look at their own M thinking if this could happen to us, it could happen to them.
I believe my H has been in this for 2 years before he left. I didn't recognize it at the time for what it was. H tried a variety of things to fix the pain before the ow. All the fixes took place in the house and at the work place so when they didn't work of course it was all my fault.
Do what you have to do to get by. Don't worry about what your H says or thinks, it's about you now and what you need to do. I know that's easier said than done. I had 27 years when it made me happy taking care of H and family. It's definitely different just trying to make myself happy and of course the kids.
Yes, SA....if nothing else, at least it's made others in my life review and renew their own marriages (lucky them!).
SH
Me 42 H39 M 10 years, T 12.75 years MLC began spring 2009 ILYBNILWY 1/18/10 WAS 2/5/10 EA revealed 3/6/10 EA ended (by her) 3/7/10 M - DOA...but working on getting disentangled.
Even thou I should be going to sleep (West Coast) I'm happy that someone (you) is out there.
Originally Posted By: SoftHeart
The GAL stuff feels superficial at best.
I feel the same way. I have to force myself to do GAL activities, most of the time I don't even feel like it. My mind is preocupied with my situation so I can't even really enjoy anything.
Originally Posted By: SoftHeart
While we had friends...they were on the periphery of our ultimate 'best friendship'
Same here, but my WH is not contacting any of them, he seems to want to just forget everyone and everything and start from scratch, at least at this stage of his jurney.
It all sucks..........
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
He's cut himself off completely from my family and our friends too. He did call one of the neighbors early on after leaving, but has since ceased contact.
Sucks indeed!
...now get some sleep! (me, I've been waking up at 3 am every day since he before left...even the daylight savings didn't stop that!) (hug)
SH
Me 42 H39 M 10 years, T 12.75 years MLC began spring 2009 ILYBNILWY 1/18/10 WAS 2/5/10 EA revealed 3/6/10 EA ended (by her) 3/7/10 M - DOA...but working on getting disentangled.
My H has cut himself off, too, from family and friends. It's all about ow and her family now. It seems he's all but forgotten what we created together.
Sounds like you are making a lot of progress with the getting busy, getting some people around you, IC and all. The rest just takes time. Flowmom has some good book suggestions on her thread and she does yoga and things like that so her situation is one you may want to read. You may find you have some things in common.
A number of women on here have expressed that their WAH dumped all mutual family and friends and took up with drinking buddies or younger, single people from work. It seems to be a pattern or a way to "erase" or avoid what is going on. Personally, I don't want to lose every person we knew in common.
I have no advice for the nighttime wake ups and all that. It's awful. It's normal and I think can take months. Hope you have some more restful nights this week. You may have to attempt to "knock yourself out" with exercise.
What happened with your stupid "friend"? Has she been ashamed to show her face to you or your acquaintances or do you now have to bump into her? Just wondering.
Well...since I texted the 'friend' my loving forgiveness when I learned that she had ceased their communication, she's not been in contact with me. Sadly, she works at one of my volunteer gigs, so I've had to let that go for now. I have a friend coming to visit today for a couple of nights (joy! company!) and we'll go visit there today or tomorrow. If today, there's no chance of seeing her - if tomorrow, there's a definite chance. Still, it would be an opportunity to practice forbearance and lovingkindness on my part. I just hope that she truly is NOT in contact with him anymore...but it's not in my control.
In other news: I think that I hit my own 'acceptance stage' yesterday, truly understanding that the likelihood of reconciliation is pretty dim (at least as long as he is in that tunnel and into all of the replay stuff). It was a painful awakening, but I feel more at peace now than previously and it will make acting 'as if' a lot easier...since it won't really BE 'as if' anymore. Processing that and making an appointment with the doctor to see if I can get some Prozac or something, since my own emotional roller coaster is really getting to me and not serving my best interests...
I've made arrangements to visit family far, far away for five nights next week - a welcome change of scenery (though I worry about my poor doubly abandoned kitties while I'm gone...the neighbors will take care of them!). This will take me right up to the lifting of the NC period and then the contact will resume in terms of wrapping up things in the house and getting it ready for sale. I think that he has dropped the idea of coming back to stay in the guest room at this point (probably a good thing).
Working hard on me, trying to remain full of hope for whatever the future has in store...
That was very nice of you to even go to the effort to text your forgiveness. Doubt I would have.
I think it's good if he's not in replay and in the spare room too.
The out of town 5-nighter will be a WELCOME change of scenery. The cats will be fine. A lot of separated people wind up on short term Prozac or sleep aids so it's good you can see possible red flags and act on them before they go too far. I'm trying to keep an eye on myself too.
The future holds great things for you is what it holds in store!
