I had a good chat with Deb & KK today and during that talk we discussed the fact that the Affairs and MLCs that our Significant Other's have dragged us through is very much like a battlefield. The LBS and the WAS represent the two different "armies"...BOTH sides feel righteous in their taking to the 'field', BOTH sides feel that they're fighting for a "just cause."
The WAS thinks they're fighting for their emotional freedom from the pain (real or imagined) and they arm themselves with weapons of mass destruction like: OWs/OMs; indifference to the emotional well being of their spouses, children, friends and family; their moral compasses go haywire and they reinvent their personal code of ethics in order to 'justify' the path they choose. They turn a switch in their hearts and minds that blocks out, or at the very least, distorts the history of their once solid M. They see us as the 'enemy' and no longer their 'ally.'
WE, arm ourselves with 'reasoning'; rehashed memories; promises to change; and our commitment to stay the course. To US, those "weapons" are harmless, but to our WAS they're daggers in the heart because in thier pain and confusion, nothing is 'real' anymore.
Eventually when the smoke clears and we are all worn weary from the fight, we lay down our arms and come to the table to 'talk peace.' We try to negotiate a 'reasonable' agreement that both sides can live with. We make concessions so that everyone can 'save face' and hopefully we join forces once again.
The battle grounds for our marriages that were fought on are rife with ghosts. Some are the hurtful words that were spoken, or thoughtless acts and deeds and some are the 'imagined' slings and arrows that have cut us so deeply.
We ALL have to lay our ghosts to rest, or we will be haunted by them for the rest of our days.
So HERE on this thread is where each of us can come, to bury our dead, so that we can live in peace.
R. I. P.
Here lies T2's ghosts of OW # 1 and 2. May they forever remain buried in the graveyard of broken trust where they and those like them will never see the light of day to conspire to steal the once safe life of another innocent woman again. RIP 10-30-03
