New here but have been a voyeur

[pearlharbr]

he said we should probably talk more..but he hasn't really reached out very much...just little things here or there. Should I make some kind of effort in trying to reconnect?

Why??

Why are you letting him dictate the terms of your reconciliation and then you turn around and try to do all of the work for him?

Go back and reread the detachment description ten more times or until you understand how your actions are the opposite. You are trying to control the situation because things aren't happening on your timeline. Stop it.

You're flip flopping so fast my head is starting to spin. One minute you want to file for divorce, the next you're overly anxious because H hasn't reconnected yet and you want to take matters in your own hands to make it happen now.

Stop focusing on H and the R. Start focusing on you. Perhaps discuss with your IC ways to let go of the controlling behaviors. I get that you've been out of control and want to take that back. But you can only control yourself so stop trying to control H and his actions. It's not healthy.