flowmom | need to commit to myself

[flowmom]

I also want to write about betrayal. Yes, marriage was for life for me, and I am deeply disappointed that H didn't end up feeling the same way. But the REAL betrayal here is H abandoning me as a coparent. I thought I played it safe by waiting 8 years before getting married and 11 years before having our first baby. I had to be sure that he was going to be there as a father and that we would be able to raise our children TOGETHER. I never would have had children if I had doubts in my mind about that. Yes they are wonderful but I did not sign up to be alone in my parenting journey!

And I don't see starting a new R as a solution. Having been raised by a stepfather since age 5, I cannot idealize what it does to a child to have her mother's focus on a new R with all of the emotional turmoil and preoccupation that that involves. And my personal experience tells me that a stepparent is not necessarily a parent. My stepfather is a good man, but he was emotionally distant and I never bonded with him.

When I get to the anger part of my journey, I'm sure that whatever A comes to light will be very triggering. But being abandoned as a coparent is the ultimate betrayal to me. H knew how I felt about all of this...and he still does.

[Cautious]

I couldn't agree with you more on both posts, flow. You manage to put into words what I can not. So... thank you, and ((hugs))

[Gardener]

fm, I can relate. Bomb announced 16 mos.ago. W moved out 15 mos. ago. Asked for D 10 mos. ago, been divorced 5 weeks and as angry and mostly deeply disappointed as I am,

When I think about my "type" in women...it is X. I really haven't looked at other women since X and I became monogamous (19 years ago). I (still) feel "mated" with X (even though after all she's done I don't even want her as a friend) in a way that I wouldn't have thought possible in my younger days. I know it's too early to date. But it bothers me that I can't really wrap my head around being intellectually/emotionally/sexually attracted to other women, even in a theoretical kind of way.

Yep.
This will change, though, with time. All things do.

[flowmom]

Thanks for "getting it". I am so grateful to be part of this community of support. I just can't imagine what I would do without it.

[flowmom]

OK H gets the tasteless WAH award. Yesterday he posted this on his FB page:

"There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves." - Jack Handey

[censored] that's taking it too far

[Number 8]

WHAT??? SERIOUSLY???

flowmom, I don't even know you, and I'm outraged! [I felt it was only appropriate that I say it like this. You and I have both experienced some outrage tonight!]

Would it be wrong to say this is completely tasteless?

[Piano]

... But the REAL betrayal here is H abandoning me as a coparent. I thought I played it safe by waiting 8 years before getting married and 11 years before having our first baby. I had to be sure that he was going to be there as a father and that we would be able to raise our children TOGETHER. I never would have had children if I had doubts in my mind about that. Yes they are wonderful but I did not sign up to be alone in my parenting journey! ..... H knew how I felt about all of this...and he still does.

Flowmon, this is exactly how it was for me. We were 15 years together before I came around to the idea of having children, and I had to overcome - with WH's wonderful support! - my fears... We also spent a year trying to concieve, and ended up with fertility treatment, which was no fun for me epecially. In my last email(persuing...) to WH, I reminded him of my fears and how I had said many times through tears "Don't make me a single mum...don't make me a single mum".
I must have had a premonition.. He had a PA/ran off when I was 3months pregnant!

[Cautious]

After asking for X to help me understand and learn, his FB status was changed to "Most fools think they are only ignorant."

Don't let it get under your skin.

[flowmom]

wrong thread

[Butterfly1]

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/