Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust

[steady]

BetheMan,

I've read through your sitch. Read the last few pages with a little more closeness than the others.

This is the feeling I get from your posts - you are seeing what you think is progress, it's given you a high, you're beginning to think about pushing more under the guise of being a man, you are jumping at every opportunity to be with her when she asks (almost gives me the feeling that you are behaving like a servant who jumps up at the snap of a finger)

You might not like this:

I hadn't had sex with my W in almost a year between Feb 2008 through Dec 2009.In Dec 09 she came with me to my office party, we stayed the night and had sex. Man was I thinking we were moving forward. 4 weeks later she told me she wanted to get a D.

This past Christmas Eve, when I came home with the kids from my brother's house she kissed me. Told me she was lonely, etc.. she was filled with some booze. She even said, "I know you probably hate me but I still love you." She started making out with me and started grinding. It stopped and I eventually went to bed.I was detached enough to laugh at the whole thing and see it as a one time event with no meaning.

Don't put any stock into anything you see or hear. Believe me, I know first hand. It's total script and it's their roller coaster. While you're on it, you'll go up and down with her and it will confuse the [censored] out of you. You'll start asking - what's the right thing to do?

Should I do A to get C, or do I do B to get C?

I say, screw that. You can't predict what will happen if you do A or C. No one can. You seem to be looking for a way to behave and talk in order to achieve your goal of reconciliation. This is the same as DBing only for getting back together.

I imagine you did that in your first trip here, and now you have returned. You NEED to do this for YOURSELF.

Who are you? Where is the genuine you? Where is the you that will look and see?

Is she playing you - having her cake and eating it too? Is she really interested in dating you? Is she setting you up somehow? Is she feeling guilty and that's driving her actions? Was there OM who has left the picture so she is now turning to you as a parachute? Is she under the influence of the alcohol mind?

These are a listing of only a few possible scenarios. I'm sure I can think of dozens more. So which one is correct? lol

You can't know. You can't guess. You have no freakin idea what is driving it all. But here you are trying to make decisions to create some sort of effect. This is backwards.

You are putting way too much focus on her and the sitch. It's like robx said...what do you want to do? You are still desperate to be with her and that's why you jump every time she whistles. Then you run around telling everyone about how nice it is that she whistled like a little kid who just got a piece of candy.

I know how easy it is to get inflated when you see 'apparent' progress and how easy to get deflated when you see 'apparent' backsliding. I say apparent because sometimes forward is backward and backward is forward.

Now I could be completely off with what I have written and it's just my gut feeling that came up when I read through. Take what you can use and leave the rest.