"after all the things you have told me I caused and how my actions made you feel, which I see, I feel like a remorseful murderer asked to describe his crime with details. I feel stressed, anxiety etc etc"
So.. basically what you are saying is.. He did not wake up one morning wanting to hurt you? It was the means to an end. It was not intentional. To a point it becomes self preservation. Now he has realized that what he thought would "fix" it.. did not.
Now what do you do?
"He told me his wish is that we could burry this whole thing. I told him it's "rotten" and it will bring US down as well, and he said no, if it is rotten the worms will eat it, it doenst have to bring us down..."
The issue lies in he expects you to let it go.. you want to talk about it. Both of you have a point. My point is.. how does talking about it move the two of you forward? It moves you forward in that you think it will answer "questions". But.. if something makes the partner/OP uncomfortable.. should you not "see" that and overcome it? This is what I am implying when I say you need to be a leader. You expect him to "see" your needs.. and yet to a point you are not meeting his. Things come to those that play the "game" smart. It is all in the approach.
I have to imagine that some of the stuff you guys are talking about.. is really hitting home about right now. All I can say is look at the big picture. This crap of what she is doing.. what he may be implying to her.. is just crap. He cheated, he very likely is keeping the door cracked. That is expected!!
"I told him I am sad when he asked cause I feel things are not crystal clear between us."
The only thing crystal clear in this situation is that you want to be with this man. To a point that is all that really matters. You have had every chance to "get away". The way you get thing to become clear is to surprise his as$ with your "reaction's" to situations.
"Remember, I dont need him. I love him(some)."
Funny.
"H should not be giving out his e-mail to all these loose women. He may have been in this lost mode at one time in the past so he did give them his contact info. Now that he's in "piecing" he should either change his e-mail address or put these women on his "spam" list so their messages to him get automatically deleted along with all the other ladies of the night and the ads for Viagra. Once they don't get much of a response from him they'll get the message and back off. Makes sense?"
Loose women.. are the result of a strong man. He does not need to change his email. The message to back off will come in the fact that he made his choice and is making things "work" with Kalni. Is he at that point? I would expect not. Is Kalni beyond all this? Hel1 yes. He is catching up... Slowly.
Mrs. Maria.. get yourself well. 2-3 years of this and "everything" else will take it's toll. Relax, Sleep, Eat... and smile.
If nobody told ya.. you were winning a long time ago. Big thing's coming!
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
