Into my arms... #70

[smith18]

Maybe your body is having problems absorbing the iron.

You could kill 2 birds with one stone by eating lots of Oysters which are very high in iron and have a myth about being an aphrodisiac.

[flowmom]

I hope you feel better soon (((Kalni)))

[fb2]

H should not be giving out his e-mail to all these loose women. He may have been in this lost mode at one time in the past so he did give them his contact info. Now that he's in "piecing" he should either change his e-mail address or put these women on his "spam" list so their messages to him get automatically deleted along with all the other ladies of the night and the ads for Viagra. Once they don't get much of a response from him they'll get the message and back off. Makes sense?

[june72]

OK, it technically the next day since it's close to midnight here-lol! So I am back on. I know I come off as a negative nag, my intent is good though.

H is coming home as we speak, which is second week ina row and 3,5 hours earlier than his usual schedule, as promised to me months ago...

This though, this to me is HUGE. I mean that is a huge positive action. I call it as I see it in my perspective. Got to give props when props are due...

[Forrest Gump]

"after all the things you have told me I caused and how my actions made you feel, which I see, I feel like a remorseful murderer asked to describe his crime with details. I feel stressed, anxiety etc etc"

So.. basically what you are saying is.. He did not wake up one morning wanting to hurt you? It was the means to an end. It was not intentional. To a point it becomes self preservation. Now he has realized that what he thought would "fix" it.. did not.

Now what do you do?

"He told me his wish is that we could burry this whole thing. I told him it's "rotten" and it will bring US down as well, and he said no, if it is rotten the worms will eat it, it doenst have to bring us down..."

The issue lies in he expects you to let it go.. you want to talk about it. Both of you have a point. My point is.. how does talking about it move the two of you forward? It moves you forward in that you think it will answer "questions". But.. if something makes the partner/OP uncomfortable.. should you not "see" that and overcome it? This is what I am implying when I say you need to be a leader. You expect him to "see" your needs.. and yet to a point you are not meeting his. Things come to those that play the "game" smart. It is all in the approach.

I have to imagine that some of the stuff you guys are talking about.. is really hitting home about right now. All I can say is look at the big picture. This crap of what she is doing.. what he may be implying to her.. is just crap. He cheated, he very likely is keeping the door cracked. That is expected!!

"I told him I am sad when he asked cause I feel things are not crystal clear between us."

The only thing crystal clear in this situation is that you want to be with this man. To a point that is all that really matters. You have had every chance to "get away". The way you get thing to become clear is to surprise his as$ with your "reaction's" to situations.

"Remember, I dont need him. I love him(some)."

Funny.

"H should not be giving out his e-mail to all these loose women. He may have been in this lost mode at one time in the past so he did give them his contact info. Now that he's in "piecing" he should either change his e-mail address or put these women on his "spam" list so their messages to him get automatically deleted along with all the other ladies of the night and the ads for Viagra. Once they don't get much of a response from him they'll get the message and back off. Makes sense?"

Loose women.. are the result of a strong man. He does not need to change his email. The message to back off will come in the fact that he made his choice and is making things "work" with Kalni. Is he at that point? I would expect not. Is Kalni beyond all this? Hel1 yes. He is catching up... Slowly.

Mrs. Maria.. get yourself well. 2-3 years of this and "everything" else will take it's toll. Relax, Sleep, Eat... and smile.

If nobody told ya.. you were winning a long time ago. Big thing's coming!

[june72]

Gosh, FG. I thought most marriage experts advised about talking about what happened. That it's normal for the BS to want to talk about the whys, whens and whats about everything and that the cheating spouse should reveal all info for healing.

I have read that is an act of contrition to talk to your spouse about the uncomfortable stuff b/c it's healing. IDK

I can't recall the experts at the moment- Glass, Harley, maybe....


I personally don't know how a person can just move on and forget it. Forgive yes, but to just not talk about it anymore.... Talking is cathartic...

[Forrest Gump]

"Gosh, FG. I thought most marriage experts advised about talking about what happened. That it's normal for the BS to want to talk about the whys, whens and whats about everything and that the cheating spouse should reveal all info for healing."

Sure.. but it needs to be a mutual step forward. From what I am reading I don't personally think that is the case here. He is balking, he is indicating that it is difficult to do at this time. Is that fair to Kalni.. not really. I don't think they are actively seeing a marriage counselor (I may be wrong about that) and the setting of being in a room with a counselor can make it easier than talking about it within the bedroom/Home.

"I have read that is an act of contrition to talk to your spouse about the uncomfortable stuff b/c it's healing."

I can be. It can also have the other effect. You really need to be sure you "need" all the who/what/why/when's. It can create a tremendous amount of animosity in the BS once they have the "whole picture". At that point the BS can become their own worst enemy. Again.. this is all food for thought here. I don't live Kalni's life.

"I personally don't know how a person can just move on and forget it."

There are people that do.

[june72]

Thanks for clarifying FG.

[Kalni]

Hi FG, June,
got your message FG. It is clear to me, he said it directly, he feels he cant talk about the A. I dont need details, I have ALL the details. We need to wrok through the meaning of it.

Somedays, things look helpless. How could we EVER get over a 2,5-3 year long love story? The easy route is to give up. It's so tempting. It's a good thing he finally seems to be moving towards me.

Yesterday I told him I didnt want to talk on the phone cause I was upset and sad. We didnt till when he called to say he was on his way home. When he arrived, he came to me and gave me a long warm hug and a a few cheek kisses. I think that he finally understood what I said about NOT following my mood and initiating a change of mood with tenderness. Our evening went fine after that although I still feel sick. It's a change. We woudl usually withdraw and put a wall bewteen us.
K

[flowmom]

Forgive yes, but to just not talk about it anymore.... Talking is cathartic...

Talking is not necessarily cathartic for men...that's something that we women often project. Also, timing is everything.

Kalni, I love that you're pacing yourself on this. You WANT the conversations but your actions show that you are respecting the rhythm of piecing.

I hope that you'll be feeling better physically soon.

I think that he finally understood what I said about NOT following my mood and initiating a change of mood with tenderness.

This is SO important! It's something that I wish that H and I had been able to do for one another.