SA,

IMO, you needn't have read the book for this question. It's a question of introspection (although the book is an interesting read).

Mach is right, it is too easy to get caught up in the minutia of daily life esp with kids involved. After all, somebody has to take out the trash...

If I may offer some insight from my little corner over here (hmm, dust bunnies): I would tell you that I too tried everything to reach my H. You know what everything tends to include alot of for women??? Yep, talk. We come at it from different angles, but it's all talk.
I would also "do things", but honestly, they were in reaction to him. Perhpas none of this is you. These are just some of the things I muscle my way through.

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Issues were something to be kept inside because H once told me that he didn't want to bring things up and talk about them because of the emotional investment.


Is he the avoidant type? Mine is and they come at things differently.

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One thing H did say after he left is that I never even tried to draw him out. THAT FOR CERTAIN IS NOT TRUE. I tried multiple times in multiple ways.


You tried what you saw as drawing him out but, perhaps he saw it differently. Mine has said he has felt "attacked" when I have tried to draw him out. Did I think that's what I was doing? Uh, nooo, but it isn't important what my intent was (you know, pathways being lined with good intentions wink ). What was important was what he saw and felt. So, I use different stategies now, ones that have been helpful with my D's.

One of the most helpful thing I (finally) got was something my brother has said over the years about processing time. When you bring up a topic for discussion (esp one where you're trying to fix something), how long have you been thinking about it? Are you giving the other person the time they need to think about it (privately) or are you wanting to get your point across and "work on it" now. Since, after all, that was the point in bringing it up. Some of us need more processing time than others.

HUGS