I think our marriage is on the mend.

[june72]

Well had the session with the new counselor tonight and it was tough but of more interest is what happened afterward. We had to go in separate directions, I picked up the kids and he home. I came to pick him up so we could all go out and I noticed that it looked like he may have been crying. I was shocked. Wow.

We had a cheery happy dinner with the kids and I looked over at him and said I love you. He said I love you back and his eyes were so very wet. Not sure how tears did not fall out. A shocker for me- the man does not cry- not ever. It floored me. So of course I spilled some tears and I think I said something like "Very much" and he repeated it too. We then held hand for a second.

To me this was huge! Monumental and very moving for me. I think my doubts and concerns about does this guy really love me after all the hatred that was thrown out at me is pretty much gone. I know for a fact that he does love me. I really really know it. I mean he is willingly going to counseling when for years he had refused. He is changing his ways. He even asked me last week if I am meeting his needs (in a concerned sort of way). I mean that melted my heart so much.

I really think the only area we have to work on now is if I have an issue or concern I want to "talk" and he sees it as me starting a fight.

No NM, we were both mean to each other for a long time. We both were doing love busting behavior and not paying attention to each others needs. It was a very ugly and toxic relationship very bad.

I really feel positive though that we are moving forward. I really believe this. It has been so very slow though. I think DBing was very effective here b/c there was so much negativity going on.

My heart aches for him some days. I so badly long for the beginning when he was so very very in love with me. How I was so confident that he was mine. It's harder now you know. Life is harder- I wish for the days when we were happy with each other all the time. The first year of our relationship was the best year of my life. I was so very happy- everything was perfect. All the time in the work to hang out together. Ah- youth! *sigh*