HOW H BECAME RIGHTEOUSLY INDIGNANT ABOUT MY WORK SITUATION
Here's the background:
A couple weeks ago, at an after-work social gathering, a male co-worker chatted with me. This man is almost 20 years older than I (I'm 33), and he's married and has a college-aged daughter. He and I have worked together for several years and have had a good working relationship. We're also the crisis trainers for our entire organization (1,000+ employees). The crisis training includes teaching selected employees how to use physical restraints/control positions, so we've been in close physical proximity a number of times.
During this outing, my co-worker said he heard I was having trouble at home and that he'd heard that from another co-worker. [I later clarified this--this other co-worker had referred to my home "disasters" that required repairs, not trouble with H. That information has not made the rounds. Yet.] After idle chitchat, the male co-worker made a few comments about my physical appearance. He continued with, "You really are very pretty. And your t!ts are amazing." He then said, "It's very difficult for me to do the restraint training with you. I've pretty much already touched your entire breasts, but now I want the nipple." I was stunned, to say the least. This man reminds me of my father, but even if he didn't, it still left me speechless.
Not long after these comments, I decided to leave to go home. The co-worker said, "Where are we going? Let's go somewhere." I declined and made my exit. Imagine my surprise when this co-worker arrived at my house. I didn't think he knew where I live, but I live in a small neighborhood. My car was parked in the driveway, and he cruised the neighborhood until he saw it.
The next thing I knew, he was in my house. He made a little bit of small talk and then asked, "What do you think about me?" I answered, "Not much." Then he said, "Where's the bedroom?" I told him he wouldn't be going to my bedroom. He said, "Is it upstairs? I want to see the whole house. Show me your bedroom." I again told him that that was not an option. I discreetly texted my best friend with details and told her to get there quickly.
She arrived and helped me get the co-worker (who is also her co-worker) out of my home. It took entirely too long. When they were both gone, I called her to further explain what had happened. At the same time, the co-worker was calling my cell phone, but I didn't answer it.
Needless to say, I am uncomfortable and have an unpleasant physical and psychological reaction when I see this co-worker at our place of business. I also don't want to continue to do any crisis training with him.
I briefly told H about the co-worker's visit a few days after it happened, but he didn't know the full details. I told him that this man had been to the house and wouldn't leave without help from my friend. However, I filled in the story yesterday for him (he knew that I'd responded to a physical intervention/crisis and had taken a different male team member--male team member necessary for backup, as I'm 5'4" and a whopping 115 lbs).
Needless to say, H was enraged. Some of his comments follow:
*You should tell on him. *They shouldn't let him do things where he is touching you because it's obvious that he's getting off on it. It doesn't matter where any of this happened. You're uncomfortable. *If they make you continue to train with him, then tell them you won't do it anymore. *I'm sorry that is happening to you and that that happened. *Talk to your boss ASAP! This is hugely important. And tell him specifics!! *Please report this! This is a huge deal! *Did you tell your dad? And is this why the back doors are fixed now? *Get mad. You have the right to be hurt and mad. Make your boss listen to you and let him know how serious this is. After my conversation with the boss-- *What's the next step? What are your options? *File a formal complaint for sure, no doubt. That's what you need to do. *You are in the right here. You are within your rights to register a complaint, and if he did once he'll do it again.
It had weighed on my mind that I initially did not share the entire story with H. I didn't do anything wrong or disloyal, but it still didn't feel right that I didn't tell him all of what happened. It made me feel better to be completely honest about how this co-worker treated me. I also appreciate H's support and encouragement to stand up for myself. His concern was apparent still today because he told me that this co-worker should be told to get out of my work area when he comes to it.
