It's funny, my H trotted out the old "we love both our kids, so surely it's possible to love you and OW" line as well, while he was in his fog. Of course, I could see that the sort of love I was getting as long as he was having the EA was watered-down, remote, and one-sided. Once he got out of the fog, he came to that realization as well: you can't SHARE true, intimate love.
I think SSM guy is right, though, some people are capable of loving 2 people at once. The guy who molested me as a kid, for example, said he was in love with me as well as his wife. I'm sure he believed it, and believed he "couldn't help" falling in "love." I've come to understand that that was the greatest amount of love that he was capable of giving--he was too caught up in himself to care any more about the feelings of a child, or about the distress he caused his wife. Obviously, a person who truly & completely loved his wife would be incapable of hurting her by beginning the process of falling in love with someone else--that takes a purely selfish love. When your conscience tells you something is "wrong," SSMguy, there's usually a good reason for it.
However, since I'm sure Little Miss, like most people here, has no interest in trying to love 2 people at once (one can be enough work!), I'm not sure why this discussion of what doesn't work is cluttering up her thread? Sorry, Little Miss--how are things with you?
