The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

I keep your situation in mind all the time. That's why, to me, the money in terms of the credit cards and the cars is secondary because I sincerely doubt she'll have the resources anyway. No. 1 priority is custody. Time with the kids.

Really, Mishka. He didn't get angry or upset? Things continued on as before, however that was.

[mishka422]

Who didn't get angry or upset? Gabe? He's the one that left for ow, filed for D and then came back two times claiming to want to stay M'd but never severing his ties with her. The last straw was when he ambushed me in a public place where we were supposed to talk about visitation for him with Marc. He forced me to sit at a table with her for an hour while he left to go inside like a typical coward. That was all it took for me to push the D through.

So, angry? No. Why would he be angry? He was getting everything he wanted. Out. Away. No responsibilities. Screwing his gf who expects nothing of him. He may be useless, but he's sitting pretty as a kept man.

[ClingingToHope]

Sorry to pick at a scab. I'm wondering if W is going to be less cooperative now that she'll see it won't be a cakewalk.

Up to now, she's been very helpful -- which in a perverse way makes me angry. She sooooo wants out that she wants it to be easy. Again, she told the girls she's doing this in part for me -- so I can find someone better suited to me.

[awest1217]

You really have no way of knowing what is going to happen. Only time will tell and I am sure you will know by next week what is going to happen because she will see what you have set forth and with either keep talking to you or just ignore you completely. This whole thing stinks, but at least you will be busy the next three weekends and one week in FL. Hang in there.

[ClingingToHope]

I did the timeline in my head. W won't get my response until Saturday or Monday so I'll have gotten through the weekend. That's good. I'd hate for her to get it on Friday.

Weirdly up today. Set up my accounts on Mint.com. For years I've tracked things on Quicken but I don't have a home computer. All that stuff is at W's.

I've gone through Quicken withdrawel not knowing where I am financially. It feels better being able to track things.

[FLTC]

CTH,

When I read your thread, I can see the "stages of divorce", as though I am reading some bizarre psychology book! I looked at your first few posts, and saw that same optimism that "all I have to do is try harder, and this will work out". Unfortunately, most times it does not. I spent months looking on the web for "reconcilliation statisitcs". I bought and read every book I could on reconcilliation, and even highlighted some of the stuff, just to lend credence to "this WILL work out". The real issue was, however, I was trying to "push water uphill", as is the case with a lot of people here. No one's fault, we all just wanted it to work. I had the good fortune to have a roommate for two months before I headed to Iraq who went through the same thing, and really "toughened me up" emotionally.

You are really in that stage where you just don't know what to do next. Like you said on my thread, it "is a marathon", particularly in my case where STBX has dragged this out for nearly two full years since I returned from Iraq. I think Jack Welch, the CEO of GE was able to get divorced more easily than me!

[ClingingToHope]

Yes, FLTC. I'm definitely going through the stages. My sister read me thread and said the days it seems I'm going to be OK financialy are the days I tend to do better.

I remember I really turned a corner the day we sat down and tried to work out an agreement -- which she tossed aside after talking to her attorney. Once it became about money a lot of the emotion went out the window.

I still struggle when we have to talk to W any more than 10 seconds though.

Hopefully, that will go away.

I didn't look up the reconciliation stats. Other people did and posted it on my sitch. What caught my eye is that 87 percent of separated couples never get back together. You see I grew up seeing it differently. My dad was tossed out twice before my parents divorced. W's dad moved out a month and came back and they stayed together. Good friends of ours separated and got back together.

So I really thought the separation would work itself out.

Knowing what I know now, I would have never left. I would have forced her to move because I'm not sure she would have the strength to actually rip the girls from their home. But who knows if I wouldn't be in a worse fix than I am now.

I can't go back and change it. I can only move forward.

It sure seems like things have gone awfully slowly. I'm interested in how quickly things will move along.

I'm also wondering when my darling W is going to tell our daughters she's actually divorcing me. She hasn't said anything to them. They still have hope.

[bright_new_day]

I'm also wondering when my darling W is going to tell our daughters she's actually divorcing me. She hasn't said anything to them. They still have hope.

If you are sure it is going to happen then tell your W that it needs to be told to the kids. Set up an appointment with your W to do it together. Your kids need to know so that they can process the info.

[ClingingToHope]

BND, I came over the night after I moved out so we could tell them together. Then I had to walk out with them crying and W comforting them.

Not this time.

This was her decision and it should be up to her to tell them.

[mishka422]

Yes, up to her to tell them but you need to be present when she does so she doesn't try to spin it to look like you want this.