Sometimes in the DR book it says you have to try another method. So if he is truly open to discussing it, put it in his court. Would you still be interested in scheduling a time to talk? I'm interested in hearing your perspective these days. Then he can say yes or no. Then go and listen to his perspective and validate it. Then you've done it once and addressed that complaint and you can go back to not pursuing. That's one option. Maybe someone has another idea.
As far as him saying that talking to you is boring, that's just insulting. If you feel it mean he wants to have upbeat, lively conversations you can try that. Yet if I were you, I would read the part of the DR book about infidelity and internet affairs and the"when they won't quit" section for some perspective.
rr22 thanks for your take on the situation. I do feel like to put the ball back in his court. He tells me it is "up to me if we should talk" but then he tells me "kind of think the time to talk was a long time ago". I think he enjoys the attention I am giving him, yet wants to blame me. Doesn't make sense I know.
Thanks again.
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
H just wants to blame someone and you are the easy choice. If he wants to talk about the R, DB does not say to avoid it, it just says not to bring it up yourself. If he asks you again if you are going to talk, just ask him when he would like to meet in person and talk. Then go with what rr22 said. Also it is important to remember these are strategies and if one is not working you should change it. It seems to me H is starting to pursue you a little. Asking about you. So it is small, but it is good.
The process is to set some goals for your relationship that are solution oriented and action oriented. Then set a strategy to use and watch for progress. If good things happen, keep with it. If not then change strategies.
Hang in there.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
The H is so wishy washy.... He does want to put the blame on me. He tried to call me 3 times this morning and texted once. Someone was very impatient....and it wasn't me. He wanted to know how much I thought he should have withhold from his check for the IRA he was signing up for. Reallly? I thought you wanted to be divorced so why do you need me to help with this? A moment of weakness maybe or just his crazy foggy life...
I am really torn on what to do with him. Part of me wants to just send him a letter and tell him that I am done, either me or you continue your EA/B&B vacation at your Mom's house. But.... you know I just can't help but feel that is what he wants me to do. I think the H wants me to give up so that it isn't his fault it is MINE!
I really don't know what to do....He certainly seemed in a more upbeat pleasant mood this morning when I talked to him. Kind of like the old days. Ohhh H were are you? He came by the house yesterday while I was at work. Don't think he did much of anything except check the mail. Hopefully played with the dog some. This has been really tough on the little guy too! I don't think the H realizes how much the dog misses him.....right, because he doesn't care about anyone but himself at this point. Right, right, right. I forgot. silly me!
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
You said: I am really torn on what to do with him. Part of me wants to just send him a letter and tell him that I am done, either me or you continue your EA/B&B vacation at your Mom's house. But.... you know I just can't help but feel that is what he wants me to do. I think the H wants me to give up so that it isn't his fault it is MINE!
I get this feeling too sometimes with my H. Not sure what to do about it.
Maybe it's time for you to read some stuff on this board about detachment so you can help yourself get off his rollercoaster while still staying open to reconciliation. Otherwise, you won't make it. He will drive you crazy with his love/hate antics.
He is driving me crazy to some degree.... not completely though. Because I know that this really has very little to do with me, I just happen to be the one he is married to
Again, not sure what to do about the fact that he complains that I don't talk about our relationship and that is why he left again. Pretty much think it is just a ploy to guilt me, but maybe he is really serious? I have done a pretty good job in the past of ignoring and not pressing him on how he feels. But then when I did ask, he just would brush me off. We are basically playing the blame game with each other. So HIGH SCHOOL right lolawar?
M 35, husband 35 M 10 Limbo 9/2009-12/2010 he left for his moms and came home way to many times to count Home 12/2010-present
The key is for you to get out of the high school world that H is trying to put you in. Don't play the blame game or anything else. Just live your life. If he wants to join you, he will. If he doesn't you will be in a better place anyway. You talking to him is not going to make him want to change. He has to do that on his own.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
