5 more days till the Big D

[brknheart]

Hello all. Mediation went "ok". The law sucks... I can understand why the law is the way, say it is when a husband leaves his W who has been a housewife for 10+ years and has 3 kids. In that scenario the W needs financial stability to continue her life. We have no kids, my W hasn't worked in 5 years since she has been going to school. Community property, community debt. In the end though, I came out "ahead" in the eyes of the law, but morally I feel I was screwed. What comes around goes around. She has no clue what she has done to me the past 6 mths, mainly because she has not heart. Back to the mediation, I made the mistake of answering back to her when the mediator left the room whenever he had to draw up some paperwork. She started asking me personal questions about my life, as if I want to be friendly to her. She ask me if I could send her pictures every so often of the cats, I said no. After the D, no more contact. She was upset, said its a shame it had to be this way. CU-CUKOO. Several times during the mediation she started to cry...fake crys to try and get the mediators sympathy. It didn't work, he has seen it all. She makes me sick... It was confirmed to me that something is going on with my "friend" and her. Let them have their fun, it wont last. It may seem like peaches and cream right now but when she realizes what she has done, that day wont be pretty for her. One things for sure, she will never find someone who loved her as much as I did...

sorry, I had to vent. I need a machine that erases certain people from your memory...

[poet]

Hello BrkHeart,

I'm sorry to read about your sitch. It seems you and I are close together in timing. My own mediation date is set for April 15, 2010. Imagine that! Tax day and divorce money day on the same day. My life is never/(almost never) easy.

poet

[ClingingToHope]

If you get a patent on that machine, I'll invest. Hey Poet, I'm requesting mediation as well. Maybe it'll be about that time.

[~Sol]

Hey brknheart, just chiming in. I wish my XW had the common sense to try mediation since it would've drafted up the same paperwork that atty's and courts do. For some bizarre reason she didn't want to and chose the hard way. My X is not really all there, (coo-cooo is right!) So instead of forking over the $300 I was willing to pay for mediation, I paid for my own legal and court fees (more expensive of course), but that process is all done now. It's also strange when the one continuing the A wants to be "friends" with you and thinks that everything is all righty-o. My X tried this once, having her second secret bf and me on the side while we were separated and "working" on our M - when I discovered this second A, that's when I decided to push for the D. I'm sorry you are going through this, the emotions tend to sting longer than the legal process of ending a M. But you are right in keeping your life private from her eyes - our X's can be coo-coo on their own!

[nikblondiew]

Broken,

I know the feeling.......when you find that machine, send it my way. Sure would make it easier. I'm sorry for everything you are going through.

[brknheart]

The past 3 days have been hell. She txted me for some info about the house..the house that she TOOK from me! I know it takes time to heal but it just makes me feel worthless when I see her moving on so easily with a new relationship, new job, new life... My life has been turned upside down and thru the washer. I know assumptions are bad but it just seems like she has it "easy" and taking the D like its just a minor bump in life. I keep telling myself "What goes around, comes around". Is it healthy to wish bad on her? Maybe not. She has no clue what she has done to me and put me through the last 6 mths. One day she will have to face her demons. I meet with a local divorce group weekly, it helps to talk with others going through the same thing. Im just very anxious for the next big step in my life. Im also worried that I may never be happy, will I be able to trust someone again.

[ClingingToHope]

BH, I could have typed that word for word. My big struggle early was the LBS syndrome of thinking she just has this great life without me.

Look, the statistics MWD has uncovered show that the WAS five years later has a vastly lower standard of living and the majority have not found happines and wish they would have worked harder at fixing what they had.

So her pain is coming.

Your W is like mine. By the time it was actually "over" it had been over a long time for her. I realize that now. It's taking us time for it to be "over." But it will be. If you read the veterans on here, the ones who have been D for a couple of years or more, the pain mostly goes away.

I'm not nearly there. I have my girls tonight and a busy weekend ahead so I'm feeling good. Yesterday, I had a really bad wave of emotion in the afternoon.

I feel guilty as well about wishing pain on the WAS. Someone told me I'll really be over things when I not only stop wishing pain on my W but actually wish her well.

Today, I can't imagine it. I hope it's true.

You know what the true revenge is? A life well lived. Imagine yourself running into her in 10 years. Well dressed. Happy. Money in the bank. A new person to share your life with. Imagine that conversation.

[poet]

Oh c'mon BrkHeart,

You're 36 years old. You have SO MUCH to live for, so much life left in you, and love to give. There's a WHOLE WORLD out there.
Wake up, smell the roses, and thank GOD that you are not 56 or 66 with only 10 years left to live.

You'll move on when you're ready, I know, but try to take the high road and FORGIVE!

Just my .02.

peace,
poet

[brknheart]

Oh c'mon BrkHeart,

You're 36 years old. You have SO MUCH to live for, so much life left in you, and love to give. There's a WHOLE WORLD out there.
Wake up, smell the roses, and thank GOD that you are not 56 or 66 with only 10 years left to live.

You'll move on when you're ready, I know, but try to take the high road and FORGIVE!

Just my .02.

peace,
poet

I know im still young, at least she didnt wait 10 more years :P

As for forgiving, im not sure I can ever do that. She emotionally tortured me the past 6 mths and she is still trying to do it. How can you forgive a person like that. Now FORGET, thats what Im looking forward to...

[Wholeagain]

You will not forget, but you will forgive. Once you let it go, the torture will be over.