there are exercises for each stage of abandonment grief--shattering, withdrawal, internalizing the rejection, rage, and lifting. I found them practical and helpful--even tho I've moved thru most of the stages, I went back and did the exercises from previous stages just to tie it all together.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
These may not necessarily be for everyone. In my case I'm keeping an open mind and heart for her but I'm trying to see life beyond her now. For me and my adoreable little girl.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
And thanks for bringing that book to our attention hoosiermama
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
SR about the abandonment book. I'm still reading it. it does have exercises for each stage but I've only read the one for the "shattering" stage. it's basically a mindfulness exercise -- being in the present and focusing on sensations. helpful i think. but you're probably at a later stage.
I'm taking this book real slow. There's so much there. I go back and re-read. I pause, close my eyes and really reflect on - and feel - what I just read. I'm still in "Shattering" chapter, too.
Personally, I am at a later stage stage - much later - than Shattering at this point, too. Still, it is eye-opening to review my post-bomb life (and FOO life) in light of this book and the author's many years of insight. Gonna take my time with this one. This one's work and holds the promise of some real insight and change
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I agree Gardener. I've been digesting this book in little bites rather than gobbling it down as is my wont.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I agree Gardener. I've been digesting this book in little bites rather than gobbling it down as is my wont.
I've probably been absorbing it for 6 weeks! I go back and re-read parts, and I think it has propelled me forward. so glad you're both finding it helpful!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
So I want to write about something that bothers me. When I think about my "type" in guys...it is H. I really haven't looked at other men since H and I became monogamous (15 years ago). I know women who giggle and admire other men from the safety of their M, or joke about flirting with the firefighters . But I just can't relate. I feel "mated" with H in a way that I wouldn't have thought possible in my younger days. I know it's too early to date. But it bothers me that I can't really wrap my head around being intellectually/emotionally/sexually attracted to other men, even in a theoretical kind of way.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
. But I just can't relate. I feel "mated" with H in a way that I wouldn't have thought possible in my younger days. I know it's too early to date. But it bothers me that I can't really wrap my head around being intellectually/emotionally/sexually attracted to other men, even in a theoretical kind of way.