Game Point

[tryingtilDorR]

She pursues him. She calls him, tries to contact him secretly, doesn't like it when you try to expose the affair, etc. She pursues him because that's what she wants and you are trying to take something away from her that she wants - those are her feelings (remember her actions are emotionally fueled, not logically)

My thinking on this has shifted over time. At first, I thought it was mostly OM's fault (he is a known predator/womanizer) and that my W was just looking for friendship, etc. Later I realized she was calling him a lot, but I figured if she wasn't then he would be doing it - it was just that he didn't have to. Now I think my W is just 'broken' and hopelessly addicted to this whole thing - especially now that she is coming to the brink and will actually move out most likely (and face not being with her kids every day etc etc).

In fact, a good friend of mine who has been through several marriages told me this "she is BROKEN and you can't do anything about it". It matches what everyone here knows - you can't fix them. Anyone who would cling to this OM is definitely broken I figure. Our M wasn't the greatest over the past 3 years (not untypical problems of long-term marriages with 4 kids), but she wanted to work on it until OM came along. I just didn't realize how unhappy she was or how vulnerable (famous last words, I know).

When you stop pursuing, when you stop fighting reality and her seeing the OM, when you start saying "it's ok, you should be with the OM, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me, this is actually for the best, now I can find someone new too"

Yes this is the only thing left to do. I got fed up when she confronted me about the thing OM told her last week and said that I shouldn't have to share a house with someone who continues to talk to this guy and even listen to his lies about me so she should move out and be with him. Since then she has been very different. Distant - yes. Angry - yes. However, I didn't go as far as you suggest in that conversation and state that I was going to find OW too.

Also, as far as 'going out' one thing I have done quite a bit over the past couple of months is stay out on weeknights with people involved with my sports organization. We frequent a sports bar in town where lots of people go talk about the league, etc and just hang out. I also am constantly going to meetings here and there in the evenings related to this same activity (I am the President and have a board of about 25 people). At one point or more than once she has seemed irritated that I was gone or if I stated I was going out or to some meeting she would say "Where are you going?? Who is going to be there??" she hasn't given a rats-a$$ about what I do much at all over the past year, but I am hanging out with new people and doing new things. Can't hurt I figure. It certainly gets my mind off of the whole mess.