Thanks Robx - I always enjoy reading your advice and have tried to follow a lot of it during this ordeal.
Yes I am very solid on staying in the house now. I briefly considered the alternately-moving-out scenario a few weeks back under the condition that she completely cut off contact with OM and we actually do something to work on the M and she refused, so I retreated back to "you are moving out because you don't want M, I am staying here" and she accepts that.
Her world is going to radically change - we have a 4000 SF home with a pool and lots of pets and 4 kids. She will be in a small place that the kids don't want to be at I figure and will not be able to only work 2 days a week anymore (what she has done for 20 yearS). It is amazing what they are willing to give up for OM. It seems crazy and that it would be just so easy to work on the M instead, but I digress.
The other thing that I have been unwavering on, which she hasn't questioned, is that I stay in our bed. She has been sleeping either in the kids rooms or on a couch in an extra bedroom for 9 months now after I gave her another 'cut off contact with OM or move out' ultimatum after I caught her talking to him again (but with a prepaid phone).
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
