Mach1 - Can't answer that because in the last 2 years H withdrew from us. I can honestly tell you I tried every thing I could think of the reach him, even went as far as to try to buy his love when nothing else worked. I was an idiot. His anger and depression were present most of the time. The majority of the time he just wanted to be left alone.
H was never one to talk about what he was feeling until it got to the point that he would explode. Even then what was really bothering him was never brought out. First, it was one thing and when that was resolved, it was something else. I truly felt I couldn't win and the kids felt this way at times, too.
Issues were something to be kept inside because H once told me that he didn't want to bring things up and talk about them because of the emotional investment.
Please do not get the impression that it was all bad. It was not. H was a supportive, hard working, protective man for most of our M and a good dad. He would have his depressive episodes, but the good times outweighed the bad as far as I was concerned. I have never felt that he didn't love me until 5 months ago when he dropped the bomb. He told me then that he hadn't loved me for years. You could have knocked me over with a feather and the rest of our family was just as shocked.
One thing H did say after he left is that I never even tried to draw him out. THAT FOR CERTAIN IS NOT TRUE. I tried multiple times in multiple ways. After a long while I stopped because I was getting sucked down too because of my concern about him. We had children to consider.
I know now that I was trying to fix something I had no control over. I could only save myself.
If this is a love language question, I haven't read the book.
