OK I know its long but please try read it through :-) Thanks for the replies so far I think I need to elaborate on our sitch so you guys can have a clearer understanding on where we are coming from. Me – 33 Her – 33 S – 7 S – 2 Together 11yrs, Married 4yrs
Although we have had a lot of good times together, both of us bought with us a lot of emotional baggage into our relationship ( We both suffer from depression, me with bipolar and ADD). I think the decay in our marriage started 7yrs ago. My W then Fiancé was pregnant with our first and I became involved with and addicted to drugs. I went to rehab and she wanted me out. We separated for a few months but she came back before our son was born. I gave her the whole “I will change story” and basically we just went on with things. About another year later she left me again. This time for about a year we lived apart, but after about 4 months of being apart we were pretty much together again – just not living together. (it was at this time that she told me that she had entertained the idea of seeing someone else – the guy I mentioned previously) After a year she and my son moved back in with me and we were together until December – when I ended up in rehab again for alcoholism. Even at this stage she was prepared to really do something about our marriage and start working on getting our lives sorted out when I came back. Unfortunately whilst I was in rehab (BTW, I actually went in to have my meds for my bipolar sorted out, but when I was there they discovered out that I drink more than I should so I was moved to the substance program while there, you shouldn’t be drinking when taking these meds anyway so it is a good thing) someone with nothing better to do started a rumour that I was spotted kissing one of the other patients –a pretty little 17yr old girl. This wasn’t true btw, I have done a lot of things in my marriage but infidelity is not one of them. I decided to tell my wife about this silly rumour as I thought that seeing as we are going to be working on things I should start being more open with her. BIG mistake – she didn’t believe me, told me it was over and when I get out she wants me gone. She did eventually agree to a separation period of 6 months after which we would look at counselling. When I did get back I didn’t leave however and at one point it looked like we were actually going to sort things out. But then things went sour again, she said that I am going back to my old routine and I will never change. Now she wanted me to go with no assurances of any reconciliation, it might happen – it might not – that type of attitude. The longer I stayed at home the worse I seemed to make it so I moved At present I have been out of the house for almost 2 weeks now. Trying to give her space and not suffocate her with talk of our R but it is hard as many of you know, it is difficult to put on a happy face when you feel so crushed inside. But if you don’t then you just remind her of why she doesn’t want to be with this pathetic person in the first place.
Some of you asked what she is missing from me? Well basically everything. Last year was a bad year for me. My work became less and less I was in a very bad place psychologically and emotionally. And just let myself slip into a pathetic looser I suppose. My wife is a very strong independent woman, and is very successful at work. and slowly I have let myself slip into a role of basically just a nother child to her, she took on the role of the man of the house as well as mother and main bread winner\. This is just the last years events that led to the final meltdown. But the real problems started 7 years ago when my drug addiction first came out. We never really dealt with it, talked about it and allowed for forgiveness and healing to take place. So basically she has been putting up defences to protect herself from me and I put up shields to protect myself from her – we all know the story. I try avoid that there were any issues and just let myself become obsessed with whatever hobby or pastime had my interest at the time, so I guess I was never really there for her. So while for the worst husband awards I would probably be up there quite high, I cant accept all the blame I have always loved my wife and family but we just became so emotionally detached from one another that all that I wanted I was too afraid to try get. Anyway I think I have said enough – I could go on all night so I will stop here. Again any advice I would really appreciate
