Ok Mr. Bond, I might try that. He may just lock down the wanting and not let himself want b/c he feels so hurt and rejected from the past, but I can at least try, right?
Though, he may be very suspicious. I AM the LD spouse and have my own issues around that (just bought SSM book), have wondered if something is wrong with me, etc. I enjoy sex mostly, just seem to have no innate interest in it anymore and he knows this. So I suppose I will have to be very subtle.
Yes, he hasn't taken any responsibility for anything pretty much. He HAS said "I'm confused" several times recently, but has said he wants to S before and after saying that. I don't know which one is real. And sometimes I wonder why do I still love him and want to work things out? I know if he refused to EVER take ownership I couldn't be with him, but I guess I'm hoping for a possibility (he's done it before for smaller things so I know he's capable - but may not be willing) that he will.
It just amazes me, too, even with all my self-insight and therapy (believe me, I have a lot) that it's possible for him to rewrite our history so badly and blame me, not only for our R but for his feeling rejected and unloved as a person. He had a childhood history of this long before I met him, yet when the therapist asked him if that could be at all related to or amplifying his feelings of rejection by me, he said "Absolutely not. I have never felt this way until I met Jaime". So frustrating.
Bond- were you/are you the HD spouse? What would have made you believe your spouse wanted to make a real change? Was/is it imperative that she want sex as much as you do, or just that she had fun participating when you wanted it? I think I can do the latter, but the former may be outside of my control.
Jaime
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
