Question

[ClingingToHope]

The story about your H's brother struck a chord. W's sisters are too of the most damaged people I know.

The older one is hyper driven but sees nothing else outside of her own needs. My favorite story, they were home for the holidays and shopping. SIL's hubby comes up and tells SIL that he found a pair of work boots for 50 percent off. He really needed new boots and these were just $50. She told him that they couldn't afford it. He'd have to wait another month. Then 30 minutes later she saw a cashmere sweater she liked and bought it for $150. The BIL didn't even bat an eye.

Luckily, she married a saint of a man who comes from a big family and believes "I do" means "I do forever." The H wanted kids but that didn't fit into SIL's plans so they are childless in their 40s.

The younger one is super outgoing but as far as I know hasn't had an actual date (she's not gay) in the 15 years I've known her. She also hasn't had a job in six years and drained the MIL of at least $20k in paying off CC debt and DUIs. She's now back in college at age 36 because she found a federal program that pays for indigent people to go to college. The MIL is paying for her housing. It never stops.

My W is a mix. Super driven and very focused on her own needs. But she has no self esteem, can't make friends easily and only comes out of her shell when drinking. Now that she's "single" she's spending lots of time with her mom, who always looked to W as her best friend because the other sisters will have little to do with her.

All three of them -- and the MIL -- are just super suspicious of the outside world. It's "their" fault they are in the fix they are in.

I saw major red flags when we were engaged, but I just thought I was the person who could rescue W from this mess.

Turns out she didn't want to be rescued. She wanted me to wade in and be the center. By the time I figured that out it was too late.

The family stuff is always very telling.