Yes, I guess I am doing a 180. Never looked at it like that. My FT is VERY good. He kind of came to the same conclusion as you and others that husbands affairs and the "adrenaline rush" he gets from controlling people, etc is sociopathic behavior. We haven't really been focusing on saving the marriage at this point (since husband isn't attending) but I have been focusing on myself, learning that husband's behaviors are his to own and have nothing to do with my reflection of me, and just getting stronger. I probably didn't convey that well in my previous post but I do feel stronger. I don't feel the need to talk about husband all the time. The really AWESOME thing is the doors that God keeps opening for me in the meantime. Its like I went through a year of not paying attention to life and just focusing on my marriage and my husband. I missed alot of things but now I notice it ALL.
Also my son is getting to the FUN age. he can throw a ball, he likes to play chase (while crawling REALLY fast...lol), he loves swinging. All the things that he couldn't really do just a few months ago. My parents live near the beach so I can't wait to take him there. Oh, and my baking hobby is starting to produce some money by accident almost. Now, I just have to refocus on my engineering career because I have lost focus on my job a little. But life is moving on and I am enjoying it :-)
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo