Are you getting good marital advice?

[saffie]

How can you fight and compete with the OP and not lose you self esteem after a while? That you are content to live in limbo with a person courting 2 people at once.
It does not seem possible
Harley states that it usually causes PTSD esp for women

I wanted to sort of comment on this.

I absolutely agree with not competing with the OP. My H wanted to have some months going backwards and forwards between myself and OW, whilst going on holiday as a family AND him and I going and celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary together, and him continuing to live at home with everything appearing as normal to the outside world. What was in that for me? I could see that he was going to get his ego nicely stroked by myself and OW, but I was going to be in the sh!tter. I actually tried to take my own life at that point and underwent psychiatric care. My psychiatrist was fantastic, and although he did not do 'couples' work in general, and he was very nervous when he let my H into the room, (he made sure I had the car keys and that they were hidden from view etc. as he thought things might get volatile), he got my H to see that it was unfair to make either I or OW wait whilst he dithered and enjoyed himself. He also pointed out that now it was out in the open between the three main players, the OW was unlikely to want to stand and wait for a decision either.

However, although I felt this way.....and very strongly....... some people, like Butterflymom, don't/didn't. The more patient approach is what worked for her. It's like that old saying, 'horses for courses'. People have to walk their own paths and live with their own decisions.