I will not live in that house with the 25yo pot smoking idiot and some other guy I have never even met- and me not being welcomed. I think that my H would throw me under the bus and not have my back. I know the 25yo would complain if I was there. Stepson said that when he was staying there and I was coming to visit, the 25yo would express "relief" when I left.
If my H can't handle wearing his ring, he would totally have a meltdown if I started staying there. Not to mention, he IS in a band with these guys; I don't need to alienate them right off the bat. They don't respect the institution of marriage, so I bet they would tell H he is being disrespected.
Regarding him claiming to have made a decision- yeah, that is what he claimed previously, but last night he was "confused" again. There is no leverage in the "you made a decision, now DO the right thing" because he is attempting to leave things open ended and fluid.
On the ring thing, I had initially said it needed to be on his finger in the next two days (to give him time to look for his old ring at that house) or we were going to get a band at a jewelry store and it was not well received. "I want to wear the other ring. I just haven't had time to look for it." As I pointed out to him-- it should only take 30 minutes to look (at most) because it isn't going to be in the roommates' bedrooms, it's not in the studio, it's not in the kitchen, it's not in the den/library-- it is either in the master bedroom/bathroom or in a drawer in the garage. There are very few places to look for it. That was when he said "I'll wear the ring when you move back in." <---that was when it was crystal clear he is thinking of bailing/he's not committed to making this work.
He is complaining about how his head hurts and his body hurts and it would be easier if he was dead.(He added that no, he isn't going to do anything crazy.) I said I didn't even know what to say to that except to get to a doctor and also to restart taking anti-depressants. It's always "I feel like CRAP! I don't want to talk about this now." Nevermind that HE is abusing his body and then paying the price.
It feels like inserting myself into that house when I am not invited will just create animosity and him feeling like I am "controlling" him and also him being embarrassed of what the roommates would think.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
