I think we all go through cycles for a couple years at least, whether we reconcile with our WASes or not.
People generally go through patterns... no one can be "up" all the time, and if you're "down" all the time - well, they make pills for that now.
Not to get too personal, and this is rather rhetorical, but is it getting close to a certain time of the month when you might be feeling more fatigued than usual as well?
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Yup newmama, I read that article at the beginning of my sitch. I pre-ordered the book. It's coming out in April.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
here are some precursors to PTSD of Abandonment that I have from my past:
- death of father (3 yo) - loss of father figure (mother's boyfriend) at 4 yo - emotional abandonment by mother (remarriage when I was 5 yo, birth of extremely sick brother when I was 8 yo) - pedophilic attention (no contact) from friend's father when I was 9 yo - family chaos and conflict - chronic exclusion from peer group in public school
Quote:
The shards and fragments of these and other traumas are reactivated when you go through similar upheavals and losses later in life. [...] It is not through any weakness on your part that you cannot by an act of conscious will rid yourself of the anxiety, pain, and fear. These intense emotions spring from the psychobiological nature of your crisis.
The book discusses the physical/biological side of abandonment grief in great detail.
If you want to read about sex, dogs and shoes, go over to Mindfull's thread
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
FM, thanks for the link to the book. That looks like a book I could use. Does it list any concrete things we can do start the new life? I know we need to find or refind our hobbies and passions and do things but it's not that easy. While at work I plan to do things (biking, working out, dusting off that motorcycle and taking off etc) but when I get home to an empty house after work I don't feel like doing much. It's like something weighs on me to not be motivated.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I'm sold --- the book is on order. The article.....I so wish I had read this at the beginning of my saga....I wish I knew such a thing as a man in MLC existed......has Oprah not done a show on this???
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
SR about the abandonment book. I'm still reading it. it does have exercises for each stage but I've only read the one for the "shattering" stage. it's basically a mindfulness exercise -- being in the present and focusing on sensations. helpful i think. but you're probably at a later stage.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Nope Cautious.