I sense that he is not telling me the whole truth because he still tries to avoid the possible fall out it would cause. I am closer to thinking she knows OW, she is interested in him etc, than that he is interested in her... After all, guys, he has sgiven me the password, if they were seeing each other I am sure she would be the first one to know.
This sounds right to me. I think he is afraid to admit to even knowing her, almost. So he goes into denial instead. Which leads to the half truths and suspicions. At this point, I would say to concentrate on his actions. He talked with you, as much as he can. He held you, and gave you some of what you needed. It's still one of those steps in the right direction!
I think she tried to IM him, he didn't respond, and when she closed it, she let the system send it to him as an email. I think he is pretty close to innocent in this one, other than probably downplaying the fact that they do know each other. But again, that's his fear.
I sense that he is not telling me the whole truth because he still tries to avoid the possible fall out it would cause. I am closer to thinking she knows OW, she is interested in him etc, than that he is interested in her... After all, guys, he has sgiven me the password, if they were seeing each other I am sure she would be the first one to know.
This sounds right to me. I think he is afraid to admit to even knowing her, almost. So he goes into denial instead. Which leads to the half truths and suspicions. At this point, I would say to concentrate on his actions. He talked with you, as much as he can. He held you, and gave you some of what you needed. It's still one of those steps in the right direction!
I think she tried to IM him, he didn't respond, and when she closed it, she let the system send it to him as an email. I think he is pretty close to innocent in this one, other than probably downplaying the fact that they do know each other. But again, that's his fear.
This is how I would read it too.
There are many ways to chat, not just through yahoo. You can chat through facebook and gmail through many other means. I've had people chat with me without my doing anything to initiate the chat so it doesn't mean that he participated in anything.
And I think it's positive that you invited physical connection with your H. The more attached and connected you are with one another, the more your M will be emotionally safe for both of you, and safe from intrusions by others (and whether we like it or not there will always be others who are attracted to our spouses if our spouses are attractive).
I'm sorry that you're going through this turmoil (((Kalni))).
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
One thing is certain if the M does not work out - he may have a boat load of desperate women knocking on his door.
Some of this seems like the movie "Fatal Attraction" or "Play Misty for Me".
I wonder how he would feel if there was some guy obsessed with Maria sending her flowers or emails. That might just be enough to coerce him into getting back into doing the horizontal mambo with her.
"SOUNDED DOWN TODAY" Well they did talk. Even if briefly, they talked. Even if superficially, they talked. So he is not telling the whole truth. YOur gut is right on that.
And I agree - although it's the hardest, it's what you need - transparency. YOu need to hear from him. I wouldn't give up on that. You got partially there with the loving embrace and opening up. Good job. Keep going though, Maria. Of course he wants to bury it all and move on - I"ve read that's typical. But perhaps let him know you trust him that he's not having an affair so that he will feel safer opening up = let him know it's more about needing to hear the whole situation, however innocent. Maybe if you give him the benefit of the doubt, he will continue to open up?
Well, of course it's not completely resolved, there is a lot to resolve.
But it sounds like you guys had a good talk. I am so happy he said if you need to talk he will try.
I agree she is interested in him, but I don't think he is interested in her. That's my gut feeling anyways. And you know your gut is pretty good, so if that's how you feel, I believe we are both right.
I hope he does learn from this. And that he continues to be willing to talk and open up. Hopefully some of that boundary conversation sunk in.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I think it was great that you were able to talk while holding each other, touching. I know you don't always see it but you are making progress. Also the fact that you can say that you love him does speak volumes!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hope4Love it said "seemed", I checked at my saved copy (one should always be prepared) and that's what he told me, that she obviously saw him coming to work or something...
The issue is NOT her for me. Guys, I am piecing. I am not post bomb trying to figure out what is going on. I would have hired a PI, if it was 2007 again, I would have surprised him at one specific trip, I would have, back then... Not now. He has GOT to want to be here. I have stressed the honesty issue enough, he insists he is honest.
I am feeling dizzy today. Something IS wrong with me and it is not my H cheating. I think my iron dropped below zero again. That's why I didnt post to others today, sorry guys, feeling bliiaaaxxxxxxx! K
June, please dont stop posting, just allow me to see things differently in some cases.
H is coming home as we speak, which is second week ina row and 3,5 hours earlier than his usual schedule, as promised to me months ago...
