My husband is addicted to an emotional affair

[nicole8]

I didn't work on the letter yesterday...I'm just tired and didn't really feel like it. Truthfully I am getting really annoyed with this whole situation.

I'm pretty positive that my H is still carrying on the EA. It really is like some sort of an addiction.. or a "high". she leaves for the other side of the country in two months, what is he going to do then? Talk on the phone all night with her like he is in high school again? Maybe I am crazy but I am pretty sure she is going to tire of his neediness pretty quickly, and her school is going to be really tough. Sooo that doesn't leave much time for him. Darn that upsets me. Total sarcasim.

Ok, enough of the venting about the EA aspect of this now crazy life of mine. I decided late last night to text the H (I know this is bad and is pursuing)... I texted the same thing he did to me the other day, "are we ever going to speak again?" He responded back rather quickly, "up to you".... Ok, I don't want to read to much into this but we texted back and forth a little bit and then finally we said good night. The outcome of the whole "conversation" is that he feels he has tried to open himself up to me and I have avoided it every time. He said he wasn't blaming me though. Ok, that is confusing. It is also really hard to talk with someone when you ask them if something is wrong and they say "nothing".

Anyway, I would not necessarily disagree with this feeling of his. I am definately a person who has trouble expressing feelings and talking about other peoples feelings. This is where I really messed up on validating how he was feeling about multiple things in his life. I always try to make things seem better than they are and point out all of the great things that we do have in our lives. I now know that as common sense as this seems to me, this DID NOT help him in an way. I was essentially telling him that his feelings were wrong and that he is crazy. Which he isn't, he has true feelings and I can't change the way he is feeling about something. I needed to validate how he was feeling.

A question I have for anyone willing to offer advice is: How do you work on talking with someone when they totally have a wall up and they complain that you talk about boring stuff?

I need a way to break through the sheet of ice and I'm not sure I can do it with the EA happening. And wouldn't this then be pursing which goes against DB?

What do I do?