Next steps

[LookingFrAnswers]

Aver,
I'll "fourth" my agreement with the rest, the cons outweigh the pros. Having just dealt w a similar request to meet from H, & recieved similar advice, I'd say listen to your gut in this instance.

And, although I loved what you WANTED to reply, it would probably inflame him & that just won't be good.

Sorry I am still so inept I don't know how to do the quote thingy on here :-(

"It also FREAKS me out that he would give up on the house so easily. Suddenly today I decided that it meant he and GF have found a beautiful new house, they are decorating the nursery and printing out the wedding invitations. The grief hit hard--his giving up the house so easy--just more evidence of how easily/quickly/completely he has moved on?"

Aver, don't project this. I know - easier said than done. I do this too much myself, maybe that's why I recognize it.

How can he give up the house so easily?

We don't know the why, as Talia said this could be a hoax, he agrees to sell but may plan to talk you out of it. Who knows what lurks in the twisted mind of the WAS! Let's focus on the reality. I know the scary places my imagination can go, don't go there!

"I feel like it would be the right thing to do to agree to meet with him. How can I ask him what, exactly, he wants to discuss? I would prefer to meet with a counselor present--just someone to listen and help the conversation. Not for couples therapy."

I don't think you have to meet w him at all. So what if he asked 3 times? You have given him a reasonable reply each time, right?

It feels terrible every way. Ignore his polite request to meet? meet, and what for?

I know what this pressure to "talk" feels like, & I don't like it. ONLY if you feel strong enough to meet with him, should you do it.

Why can't he put his questions in email?

I think it would be reasonable to say to X,
"Thanks for your message, but I'm exceptionally busy right now. I'd prefer to speak/meet once I have all the necessary info to discuss this. I'll get back to you ____ (next week)."

Pearl is good at this. Shall I send her your way?

Why do I feel so freaking guilty about "getting" the house--assuming I can afford it?

Talk about this w your C. Maybe she can help you get to the core of it. Doesn't seem rational but sometimes our feelings aren't rational. Maybe just accept that you feel this way & don't worry about it. You know logically you shouldn't. We have so many mixed emotions coursing through us during turmoil, I think our wires get crossed sometimes & we get irrational guilt.

Good job on having the friend come over & do the pro/con list! That's a good friend to have.

Thanks for stopping by my thread last night Av. Especially with all you have going on. Let's both take Deeeep breaths....
and we'll help each other get through this. (((((Aver))))))