I realized why I don't visit the sites of others much any more......it just rips my heart out. I may have stuff to add, but it almost makes me physically ill to read about you, and so many good people, caught up in the emotional "wood-chipper" (another Connecticut reference!) that is divorce. I know the wrenching sadness that I went through, from July 31, 2005, until I was "born again" by deploying to Iraq in June of 2007. Almost two years of INCREDIBLE sadness. As many people here know, I actually tried to check out with some beer and prescription medication. All I wanted was for the pain to go away. I even wrote notes to my kids, asking them to forgive me for what I was about to do, which I keep on my hard drive to this day.(Imagine going to war to SAVE your life? I don't recommend this course of action very often, but it worked for me!)
At times, when I drop my S12 off at STBX's house, and he turns to wave goodbye to me, I am overcome with a tsunami of grief that it didn't work out for my kids, and that I can't just go out in the road and play catch or shoot baskets with him EVERY night. I still cannot look at pictures from when the kids were small. It's overwhelming. I still see him laying on the bed in July 2006 when I said I was moving out, and he was inconsolable. If I had a violent streak, it would have been awful!
But....life goes on. I have been blessed since returning from Iraq. My life is so full of hope now, but I read these posts, and I see the absolute devastation that divorce brings. It's one of the cruelest emotional acts that anyone can do to another human being. So many people seem to move on just fine, but I was one of the smoldering wrecks on the highway of death caused by divorce, so reading your thread and other, just churns up bad sediment!
I'm sorry for your situation. I am glad to see, however, that you turned to bench presses instead of 16oz arm curls!
