Will I ever be forgiven???

[dday101798]

jasper:

Definately letting go is a neccessity, not only for you, but for any chance for the situation to get better. If you let your W go and live out the life she thinks she wants, it's going to go one of two ways. So, what's to lose at this point?

BigJohn & in general:

I certainly wish there were far more success stories here. My personal belief that may get some riled up is that some folks are just so overwhelmed with their situations, that the suggestion of others outside it, be it friends, family, and especially here, is just taken as the gospel truth. Things like "your spouse is only doing this, or doing that, just to bait you" or "it's all lies, WAS validation".

I can't tell you how many countless times I posted here things I could not understand that my (x)W was doing. Why she said she still loved me? Why she still had that gleam in her eyes when we could get the chance to make eye to eye contact? Why we still felt connected at those times?

The bulk of the repsonses I received were of the variety that I speak and some started many arguements here. I have said, and will say again, heck I'm guilty of it too, sometimes it gets hard to keep your own personal feelings about your situation out of your advice to others. Each and every persons situation here IS unique in it's own way despite how similar the story line may be to the rest. It is YOURS and YOURS alone. Only YOU know your spouse, even when they are currently "not themselves". Only YOU know when your wayward spouse is trying to reach out to you GENUINELY.

Posting this above makes me think of the handful of times my (x)W was in fact reaching out to me. Each time, I did hold that rope, boy did I ever. But, we needed to go on the full ride, as painful as it was for everyone. So I could finally drop that rope, once and for all. Yes, (x)W did some horrible things, truly horrible and I can see why some folks would say at the time her 'good deeds' were all lies, but that's when the thought that (x)W was an addict went to the wayside and those who were trying to help were injecting their own personal feelings my situation.

"Mom":

Even if you never share it with your XH, write the letter. The undelivered letter can be very therapeutic, and also a chronology to yourself to revisit later, educate yourself on who you are or are becoming or later on perhaps, who you were. You can also revise your thoughts over and over until what you really want to say is finally there instead of the general idea.

I have numerous letters and countless revisions there of that I never gave to (x)W while in the thick of things. Almost every one of them started off bitter or demanding, blaming, the list could go on. I keep them now to remind myself of the person I should not be, period.

I kind of derailed myself here, but the point is, if YOU feel the need to write that letter, if YOU feel the need to come clean with your XH, then by all means, it's for you. Whether or not your XH accepts what you have to say, you can not control.