Are you getting good marital advice?

[saffie]

Allen,

Where did I say I wanted to end this thread?

I believe I actually said it was good to discuss different views. What I didn't like was YOUR tone and attitude. Funnily enough, I would think that my general approach is similar to yours and Pup's. What I don't think is necessary is your phrasing at times and what seemed like a personal attack on another poster.

Puppy knows my history and my views and I think he would also agree that I pretty much take a 'hard ball' approach when offering advice to posters whose S are having A's, however, I try very much to temper the way I post to try and meet the needs of tthe individual poster.

Recently I have been quiet and not posting, but I am afraid my general feeling of distaste at the tone of your posts brought me out of the woodwork.

Although you seem to think you and Puppy are singing from the same song sheet, there is a difference in the style with which you two deliver your information/advice. I would suggest you read Puppy's posts more closely and adopt his slightly more diplomatic style.

People post all sorts of rubbish on here. I can remember early on in my posting days pouring my heart out about the fact that although the OW was out of the picture and my H was working hard on the M, I still couldn't get my head round things. The thoughts in my head were in danger of still bringing my M to an end. Someone posted to me that I should just be grateful because I had 'won' as my H was with me. To me it's not about winning or losing, or about being better or worse than someone else. It's about finding one's inner self esteem and feeling complete again - S or no S. To be told I should be grateful I had won was just plain stupid. I was part way through a painful journey and floundering - that comment did nothing to help.

I like the way Puppy talked about the change from infidelity to piecing. He is right. Maybe part of the problem is that sometimes the posting from those of us in piecing is a stage too far forward for the infidelity forum at times?