That's great DU! GALing won't take all of the pain away, but it counteracts the pain by letting in other life experiences.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Thank you all. I felt pretty proud of myself for not picking up. In addition, he called later in the day as well and then followed up with a text that just said.. "tried calling a few times today. No luck. Will try email".
I didn't answer because I didn't want to be sucked into a conversation about HIS D and of course I didn't want to have him entice me into being upset.
But I have an issue or really a couple of questions for you all, so your input (as always) is appreciated.
Our very good neighbor and friend (older gentleman and wife who welcomed us with open arms into the community when we moved in - his wife recently passed) called and told me he heard a bad rumor that my H was being deployed to Afghanistan. I confirmed it to him and he was so concerned for us.
He, as with another neighbor asked if they could throw a party or take my H and I out to dinner. Again, I said, I needed to speak with my H. I was trying to hold off on having any contact with H, but they are "pressing" for an answer; so I plan to write a brief text to tell him about the neighbor's request and ask him to get back to them. But my question for you all is this: I don't want anyone in my business so I want to ask my H NOT to mention our situation to our neighbors in any capacity. Do you think he will see this as controlling? And should I attend either (a dinner or party) if he agrees to the neighbors request?
Your thoughts?????
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
DU, I would tell the people that they should contact your H directly. If they ask why, say "sorry I don't want to get into it". Yes, they'll figure things out, but unfortunately it seems like you're cornered on that one if people want to make a fuss over your H. And no I would not attend those events. I think it would be SUPER uncomfortable.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
He, as with another neighbor asked if they could throw a party or take my H and I out to dinner. Again, I said, I needed to speak with my H. I was trying to hold off on having any contact with H, but they are "pressing" for an answer; so I plan to write a brief text to tell him about the neighbor's request and ask him to get back to them. But my question for you all is this: I don't want anyone in my business so I want to ask my H NOT to mention our situation to our neighbors in any capacity. Do you think he will see this as controlling? And should I attend either (a dinner or party) if he agrees to the neighbors request?
Personally I think asking HIM not to say anything can be viewed by him as controling but I'll leave the experts to respond.
I personally, would not bother to text or email him and would provide his contact info to your neighbors. Let them call him.
keep your head up - you are doing fine.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I didn't answer because I didn't want to be sucked into a conversation about HIS D and of course I didn't want to have him entice me into being upset.
DU,
This is a very good attitude to have right now.
Quote:
I was trying to hold off on having any contact with H, but they are "pressing" for an answer;
As I told you before, you can ask but you can’t expect him to honor your wishes.
Personally, I do think that you should just tell people to contact your H directly as you don’t know what his schedule is like. Nothing more, nothing less.
You don’t have to answer any questions to anyone that you don’t want to, however, you do need to prepare that he may say something to people about the situation.
Our friends and family mean well. They care about us. They want to offer support and advice when they can. However, you do not have to take it.
If someone asks you something you don’t want to discuss, it is OKAY to simply say that you would rather NOT get into the details of anything.
As far as attending any functions….
Do you think that would benefit you in any way? I don’t know if I do right now.
Destiny, you are struggling right now and while you ARE doing a bit better, it is very important that you put yourself first right now. Take care of you and your needs right now. Before you worry about anything else.
Your H, if he lets these things happen, HE can be the one to do the explaining of where you are or aren’t. His choice….
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Destiny, you are struggling right now and while you ARE doing a bit better, it is very important that you put yourself first right now. Take care of you and your needs right now. Before you worry about anything else.
I totally agree with this! Your H, people's gossip, etc. are not the most important thing here.
DU, while you are feeling a bit better you need to concentrate on taking proactive measures to make sure that the next low isn't so low. Because IME, the lows do come around. Have you talked to your doctor about medication? Does your IC understand how serious your struggles are? Have you contacted all your helpful friends and family and asked for their help with filling in the rough times? If you notice a monthly pattern, have you marked your calendar and started making self care plans (being with close friends, IC, etc.) for the days that you can expect to be tough? Self care takes a lot of effort but it will make a difference for you.
And taking care of yourself will help with your dignity, so that you can hold your head high and not care about what people think.
Sending more hugs your way...
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
