St Patty's Day sucks. WAW is Irish, and we always threw a big party for all our friends. I miss all the little things we used to share. Still, moving on emotionally. Every time I think of her now I just get angry. Desire for revenge eats me up when I let it.
So far the steps seem to be anger (after the bomb), panic (trying to save marriage), desperation (don't want to be alone after 12 years), more anger (she broke her vows!), odd sense of relief (after she moved out), depression (this is all my fault), exposure (embraced the suck), healing (friends have been GREAT), acceptance (she's not coming back), revelation (this is NOT all my fault), moving on (GAL/going dark).
I still feel a dull feeling of loss, and moments of intense anger, but I feel more like myself than I have in years. Hanging out more with friends, and really talking to people more than I have in a long time. My mom says she feels like we've really talked more in the last month than in the last several years. Wife says she "lost herself" in the marriage. I realized I did too, and I'm remembering the person I used to be. My lust for life is returning. I miss being in a relationship, but I don't necessarily miss it with her.
