Does anybody see something wrong with me having my son full time while W goes to night school (planed and payed for before she split)? I guess I'm asking if it's anti DB. No way do I have a problem having my son full time.
She was going to have FIL watch him the nights she would normally have him. I told her he is my son not FIL, I would rather he stay with me. Should I have told her to get a sitter?
I'm trying to put myself in her shoes. She is stressed out with the divorce , going back to school, not seeing her son for basically two months, no money.... I don't want to be a prick but I don't want this to be something she walks all over me for either.
Yesterday being her first day, she called me 6 times (no I didn't answer each time). Once to tell S8 goodnight, but the rest to talk about her school experience. Then when she got home (FIL house) she sent a text wanting to know if my "heads" were still up. This is at 10:45, she has to get up for work at 5 am. I asked what she had in mind...we sexted for about an hour. It was fun.
How do I detach if she keeps "wanting" me in some form or another? Say no right! It's hard to say no when it comes to her showing me any kind of interest. She went from not wanting me around at all to what we have now. I keep asking myself what the hell is she up to? She filed for D & papers will be served soon. Is she trying to soften the blow, let me down easy?
She is being real nice. Maybe because I eased some of her stress, or she's kissing my a$$ for helping her out. Maybe it's legitimate.
She is so worried we won't friends, she could be trying to stay friendly so I do. Just like when I stay cool, calm, & confident. She responds to this quite well, it amazes me how I can change her mood buy just being in that state of mind. Several times she has been confrontational, angry, yelling, and I stay c.c.c. Stops her dead in her tracks, she will apologize and correct her behavior.
I can't tell if she is reacting to my detachment or if she is detached her self and this is how she will act around me.
First, it is NOT against DB to have your son. I think it's best as opposed to the FIL. Might be an advantage later.
Second...remember what works and keep doing it. That IS DB'ing. Part of the process is noting what works and what doesn't. You're not divorced yet. Keep that in mind.
Thanks marriedCrazy. I keep telling myself I'm not divorced yet, but it seems to be coming up so fast. As far as what works I don't want to read too much into anything she does, but on the other hand I don't want to miss something. Very confusing.
I agree it might be an advantage...W will only see S8 for about an hour a day after she picks him up from school. She as already expressed her sadness about this. To which I completely empathize, I can't stand the few days I don't see him now.
W & son have a dog (puggle). I have helped with it the past but I have never been it's "owner". Since S8 is staying w/ me he asked if the dog could stay too. For his sake I would consider it, but maybe it would better if she handled it on her own. FIL would be home to let it out and feed it. I told him I would think about it. W didn't ask me directly but her and S8 discussed it and he asked me.
Yesterday being her first day, she called me 6 times (no I didn't answer each time). Once to tell S8 goodnight, but the rest to talk about her school experience. Then when she got home (FIL house) she sent a text wanting to know if my "heads" were still up. This is at 10:45, she has to get up for work at 5 am. I asked what she had in mind...we sexted for about an hour. It was fun.
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She is being real nice. Maybe because I eased some of her stress, or she's kissing my a$$ for helping her out. Maybe it's legitimate.
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Just like when I stay cool, calm, & confident. She responds to this quite well, it amazes me how I can change her mood buy just being in that state of mind. Several times she has been confrontational, angry, yelling, and I stay c.c.c. Stops her dead in her tracks, she will apologize and correct her behavior.
Let's analyze this Jake..
So.. You ARE getting along great right? She called you SIX times yesterday right? You sexted for an hour and it was fun right? She is being nice and you are being nice right? She responds well when you are cool, calm and collected, correct?
And YET you are worried? You are NOT living in the moment. ENJOY the ride. Live in the moment. Are you addicted to worry?
Learn to live life to the fullest. The only way to do that is to live and stay in the moment. Worry is wasted energy. It is nothing more than a waste of your time. Continue to be cool, calm and collected and continue to be nice.
Remember Jake... The key here is NO PRESSURE... Let her pursue you. Cool calm and collected men enjoy the ride. Sit back and enjoy being nice to each other.
You also need to expand your horizons.... It wouldn't hurt one bit for you to have a couple of "friends" of the female persuasion. You know.. Just like SHE is only friends with these guys she has been with in the past... ;)(you know.. good for the goose is good for the gander?)
Remember... What usually works the best on people is them getting a nice taste of their own medicine now and then..... It is just like the husband who is insanely jealous because he knows subconsciously that he hasn't always been so faithful himself. He thinks that his wife thinks the same about other men as he does other women. The thing that BUGS and bothers him the most is the same thing that he is secretly doing in his own heart.... So, maybe your wife needs a little taste of wondering and having to WORRY about losing YOU to someone else... HMMMMM... you think?
gucci, thanks for the analysis. Those are positive things.
I do worry a lot. I have always been that way. It stems from my childhood. My mom worried a lot and passed it to me. My dad always road my a$$ about how I wreck everything I touch, I'm no good, blah,blah. So I walked on egg shells most of my life trying not to do anything wrong. Make daddy proud crap.
A few posts back I talked about her jealousy towards the possibility of me seeing some OP. Word has been going around I "may have someone". These are her words. I always thought I shouldn't sink to her level. I have been holding back when I'm go out. I told her I would not see anyone until we are D.
I can honestly say I would have no problem enjoying the company of other women. I thought an eye for an eye was a no no.
W and I texted back and fourth a few times this morning. She told me was getting her hair done. Then she went all naughty, and wants to have a nooner tomorrow.
W just stopped by work to show me her new hair do! She was on her way school. I really shocked.
Changed it from blond to red. Interesting fact, I love red heads. She knows this and has changed to red in the past to get my attention.
What the hell is going on? I'm liking it, but can anyone even begin to guess what she is up to?
I still expect what ever is going on in her head we are still headed to divorce and I shouldn't let my feelings get in the way.
What the hell is going on? I'm liking it, but can anyone even begin to guess what she is up to?
Did I stutter before?
ENJOY the moment. Enjoy the ride. What good is it for you to go on a trip and forget to enjoy the ride? Then when you get there you start worrying about getting a room with a view, then when you get the room with the view, you start to worry if it is going to rain tomorrow and you have plans to go to the beach. You worry all night about the rain and don't enjoy your night dancing with your wife. Next day the sun is out and you get to the beach, but you are worrying about "what if I get sunburned and what if there is a shark in the water. You then fail to enjoy the day at the beach.
On the way back from the beach, you start to worry about where you are going to eat tonight. "Should we have steak, seafood, hamburgers?"......
GET IT? Do you GET IT?
Enjoy the ride. She is calling you. She is changing her hair color to what you like. She is being nice. You are being nice.
Enjoy the ride. Be a happy, calm, cool, collected mature man. Don't pursue her, but it is ok to be nice and have fun with this.
Work on YOUR issues. It seems to me that the first one you could work on right now is WORRY. It is a bad bad habit. Kick the habit. Enjoy the moment. I have no idea what she is up to. For all I know, my wife has been faking being madly in love with me for all these years. For all I know she could leave me tomorrow and tell me that she hates my guts. What good is it possibly going to do me to think those thoughts? I can analyze it to death, but I still am never going to know for a FACT. Go with the flow. Cool confident men go with the flow. Be that man.
If she stops calling or backs off again.. SO BE IT. Just keep going on happily about your life. No biggie either way. Women ARE attracted to men who don't get all bent out of shape when there is a crisis.
ENJOY the ride. Enjoy the scenery along the way to the vacation. Enjoy the vacation.
GET IT? Seek peace in your soul. BE at peace. Life is good.
