Waiting More Than a Dozen Years

[Young at Heart]

One of the most profound things for my wife was when her individual sex therapist, got her to realize that she was truly and deeply angry at me for my lack of helping my wife care for out two young children over 20 years ago.

After my wife was able to recognize this very deep anger at feeling that I had let her down and abandoned her (sort of like her parents did when she was growing up-according to my wife), she was able to be lead by the sex therapist into seeing that she (my wife) had not communicated her needs clearly enough to me and that she had also abandoned me.

It was the recognition of this deep pain and that she had done the same abandonment to someone else that she complained about which was the key to her being willing to begin to change. (She has changed a lot, but is still working on body self image issues and some inhibitions, but I now feel truly loved and blessed by this woman's companionship and focus on making me feel loved.)

I am not saying that your wife is the same as mine, but there may be some deep issue or pain that you wife felt. My wife's individual sex therapist told her that the vast majority of older women who don't have sex with their husbands (when their is no medical reason) is because of anger.

Obviously, your wife has some significant (hopefully temporary) medical issues.

Maybe you could tell her that now that she is medically recovering to build a new life, now that you have proven your love for her by being their to provide her with nursing and nurturing; maybe the two of you can try to rebuild your marriage. Then point out that this is an anniversary of significance to you and apologize for anything that you have done that deeply hurt her. Why not try again? Maybe she might even be willing to sign up with you for some kind of couples weekend relationship course.

Good luck to you and I wish you happiness in whatever path it takes.