Her: Well you are the one that brought it up. But anyway, do we need DVD’s? And, I ordered my wheels. A little more than we expected, but I got the ones I wanted.
Me: I didn’t really bring it up, but that’s a touchy issue for me and I don’t want to discuss it at work. Yes, we need DVDs. Dant wants me to burn P90X for him. I figured you ordered the wheels. How much was it?
Her: It’s touchy because you think I’m the cause of all our issues. Order them then. And, it was 910 total shipped with the lugnuts.
Me: I don’t know what the cause is and that’s one reason why it’s touchy, because I don’t know how to fix it. I guess I will order them. $910 isn’t bad at all.
Her: It’s not something you “fix”. It’s one of those things that changes over time as life gets busier and you have to deal with it and appreciate what you get. But yeah, the guy said they should be here in 3-5 business days. YAY!! Maybe they will be here by Friday and we can get em put on! I hope I could get that lucky.
Me: No, that’s just how you see it. And that’s one of the issues. That’s great that they’ll be here quickly.
Her: Yeah, I’m excited. I think they are going to look amazing!! I LOOOVEEEee that red pinstripe and glad it will go all the way around. And yes, it is one of those things. It’s not like we have as much time as we used to. “making” time as you want to is [censored] boring. How about, this day, this time, this place… it’s the same [censored] every week and it SUCKS. How many times do I have to tell you that?
Me: Well I’m glad you like the pinstripe and that they’re somewhat cheap. It’s not one of those things. I know people that are plenty busier than we are that get by just fine. I don’t schedule it, you do. I try to add some fun to it and you deny me every time. You think I like the same old thing all the time? No, but I take what I can get.
Her: I don’t like it. I loooooooovvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeee it.
And, don’t compare us to other people. We are not other people. You want to get things like cards and books… and make it complicated. Complicated=no fun. You don’t do anything at all at any point… and, I feel like if I don’t do something, you will complain. Which, you will. And then you’ll use it against me… and we’ll argue. “will baby love me?” is NOT a proper way to proposition me. It’s like saying, “if you don’t do this, I will think you hate me” which completely turns me OFF. You don’t seem to understand.
Me: Well then what the hell am I supposed to do? I’m totally lost on it because I’ve been rejected so many times, I’m not sure what works. No sense in putting a bunch of effort into something I feel is a lost cause, you know?
Her: You’re supposed to stop acting like it’s another “job” for me. Something I “have” to do to make you happy. You act like that is the only thing I can do to make you feel like I care about you and that I love you. It isn’t. You act like if I don’t, then I’m a horrible person. It doesn’t exactly turn me on to know that’s the only way you won’t complain about our relationship. That shouldn’t be the only thing that makes you happy, makes you feel like I care, or gets you to not complain. It should be something that is appreciated for what you get, not something you complain about not getting enough. It drives me MAD to think the only way you think I love you is that if we have sex. It makes it feel like work. I’m sure this is just going to piss you off, but it’s the way I feel and it makes me not want it at all.
Me: It just seems so strange that you used to love doing it and now you absolutely hate it except for when you want it. You don’t give 2 shits less about how I feel or what I want. A marriage is supposed to be about doing things for each other and making each other happy. It’s not always about pleasing yourself all the time. I just don’t know what the hell I did to make you dislike something that’s so damn enjoyable.
Her: Ever heard of getting BORED? Do something different. Same place, same time, every week. Yet AGAIN I have to say this… I don’t give two shits about what you want or how you feel? It’s because the only thing you want is sex and the only time you feel good is when you get it. I can’t help you with that.
Me: What the hell am I suppose to do. I’m all the time recommending new stuff and places, only to get turned down. I get bored too, but that doesn’t mean it’s still not enjoyable. And yes, you can help me with that. You just choose not to. I do everything in my power to try and please you in every way and it doesn’t matter when it comes to me.
Her: You are completely wrong. If I didn’t care and if I didn’t want to make you happy, you probably wouldn’t get it at all and considering how much you complain about it and how much that turns me off, you are lucky to get it at all. Seriously. You have no idea how your complaining about it turns me away. You think vocalizing makes it better well it doesn’t. I feel like you don’t at all appreciate it and that when you get it it’s just enough to stop your complaining for a little bit. Like I said, it’s like a job. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy it when we do, but in the back of my head I am always thinking “how long will this satisfy him for? 5 minutes? A day? What?”
Me: Fine, you don’t want it any more, then that’s the way it’ll be.
Her: And again you completely misinterpret what I am trying to say. Good job.
Me: Everything you just said says that you don’t want it at all and that you only do it currently to please me.
Her: Everything I said points to the fact that your complaining about how much you don’t get it makes me so angry that I can’t stand the thought of sex to shut you up. If it felt less like something I HAD to do to keep you from complaining and telling me all the time that I hate you, which isn’t true, then I’d be more inclined to want it. But fat chance of that ever happening because you’ll just take that and make it say “kayla doesn’t care about how eric feels”.
Me: What have I complained about? I haven’t said [censored] about anything except last night.
Her: You always complain about how often we have sex. When you don’t complain, the look on your face is complaining… you don’t see yourself. Aside from that there are your constant “you hate me” and “you don’t care about my feelings” and “you aren’t attracted to me” comments… it doesn’t do much for me.
Me: Ever think that I might ‘complain’ less if something changed? Either way, I told you I don’t want to talk about this right now. I don’t want to be mad tonight.
Her: I didn’t wanna be mad yesterday. I didn’t wanna wake up mad. I didn’t want to be mad all day today. But I am. If you didn’t say [censored] like that things might change. But that, again, will probably never happen. It’ll be a job, a chore, something I HAVE to do. It’s never going to be right apparently.
Me: Well we can fix that by just never doing it again. Problem solved. Once again, I’m done talking about it. It’s not important to you so quit getting worked up about it.
Her: Once again there you go stuffing words in my mouth and thoughts in my head. Things I never said or never thought suddenly become part of me. Thanks for that.
Me: Your words clearly say it, as do your actions. Anyways, when do you want to eat lunch?
Her: I don’t [censored] care. Can’t you answer that for me too? You know every thought in my head, right? You know every feeling in my heart, thought in my head, word on my tongue before it ever even comes out. Right?
Me: Well when you clearly say something. Anywho, when is lunch?
Her: But I didn’t say that you are making it up. I don’t care when lunch is, my dumbass can’t eat what I brought anyway.
Me: I know I’m not making anything up. Why can’t you eat?
