If it were me... I would hire a PI and figure out what is going on. I would not mention the email but save a copy. He is out till 1am most nights, right? Is he working till 1am or going to socialize with his coworkers?
I just don't know if he will be forthcoming. Not trying to spin it negatively... but if there is some sort of unacceptable behavior going on... would he actually admit to it? I mean when he was cheating in the past he lied about it. Why would he be forthcoming now?
Or if she is interested in him but he not her, would he distance himself from her to make you feel comfortable? I am thinking he would think you are overreacting and not do it.
I personally think after all that has happened a friendship with a woman at this stage would strain the marriage b/c he has not done the work to earn back your trust completely.
Again, if he is cheating again- he will definitely lie. So after all that has happened in the past years I think you need to hire a PI. It is the only way you will REALLY know the truth, IMO.
Good luck! I hope it is nothing.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
I know that I have read it elsewhere though...maybe in a marriage repair book, not sure....
OK, to be totally redundant- will a direct conversation reveal the truth from him??? Given his history? Only an opportunity to cover his tracks better.
I really am not trying to be cynical here. I hope it nothing....
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
When I had that feeling I checked BF's work email and found that he had attempted to delete a flirtatious email conversation with a contractor he used to work with. I woke him up and confronted him immediately. Maybe not the best timing but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep and my anger and resentment would just grow overnight.
He admitted to deleting it because he knew I was checking his email and realized that it didn't look good. His explanation was that he was just being friendly in order to maintain the business connection (if he ever went into consulting she works for the company he would want to work for). He didn't realize how it looked until several messages in and then panicked about how it would look to me.
I was beyond furious. I had told him before that even the appearance of infidelity would be enough to send me packing. And to top it all off this happened the day before we were to host a party at our house for all of his department.
I do recommend being as calm as possible (I wasn't, definitely could have done better with that) but do speak up and ask him about it. Waiting too long will just let you stew and build up more anger and resentment. Try your best to listen with an open mind. When he is done with his explanation trust your gut instinct as to whether or not to believe him.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I had to talk to him. I tried to do it the best way I could. It helped that I wasnt mad or anything. I was just "prepared" an dthat IS sad to be prepared to be let down by your spouse/partner.
He had not seen it. He opened his account in front of me and he said the time stated was wrong, he couldnt figure ot out. He told me at 9:50 he was sleeping in bed and my parents who live in the same building can tell me what time he left (around 12) and that in the evening we were actually on the phone at that exact time which is true.
He said he wouldnt even call her a friend. They see each other at the hallway of the buidling they work in and she knows he is married with 2 kids, that he has been separated because we were separated when he met her, I ma not clear if she knwos we are back together now.
I told him the way I read this online email shows familiarity and doenst come from a girl thats' work on the same floor. I told he I wanted to reply and tell her "He is just fine and if he is not, he cant talk to his wife about it". He said I was right to think this way. He couuldnt explain why she sent thi so late at night, why she put a time on the subject that seems wrong etc etc
I told him it reminds me about the OW and how he denied, etc etc He said I need to trust him some an dthat I should be able to think when i saw the email that "no way, my H wouldnt be invlovd with her". I couldnt help laughing. I said "either that or think you are cheating and throw your stuff out tonight, but none of the 2 options is wise, I take the middle road, trust but ask/verify/keep my eyes open".
An interesting convo started after that. I need a coffee first... K
Good for you - you stayed centered. You asked what you needed to ask which is taking care of yourself. Of course you don't know whether to believe him or not. How does it feel in your gut? I mean you had sort of a premonition at first - so how do you feel about what he said to you?
As far as the subject of the email.... if you have a chat using Yahoo! chat you can send a copy of the chat, that the subject line is automatically what was on that email, so it's not like she actually typed that. If I remember right, the time would be the time the chat session ended, but I'm not sure what time zone might be used. So, what that means is that he had an IM chat with her. It should have been a transcript of the whole chat. If it was only that one sentence, it would seem to indicate that she sent that to him, and he didn't answer, but I'm not ready to buy that yet.
I don't know Maria. Stay alert, though. It could be innocent, but.....
I am exercising all my control not to blow up today. Not because of what I saw, because this morning, I still have no explanation about the essence of this email. My head is about to explode and I feel sick. And my gut feeling is telling me I am on to something. Not necessarily meaning they are involved now, but it could be that she is interested and he is accepting...
See how could you believe him- pointless! He did not offer a full explanation only a piecemeal one. This is why you need independent verification. You are never going to know. A PI will see if they are spending inappropriate time together. I'll be honest- even if it's a friendship where he spend lots of time wit her, it's time taken away from you and him as a couple. His energy right now should be focused on the relationship you have. Just my thoughts.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
If she is not a friend then why the youttube emails and this weird email?
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
