Well, I've been sitting on my hands all evening, but I have to interrupt the self righteous pity party for just a moment. I wouldn't do it, but for the kids.
First, if you stay on the path you are on, I could see you losing custody completely. The sad part is that I'm not convinced that would be a bad thing, at least for a time. I really think you need to get some good help with the issues you have. Your anger, your extremely passive aggressive behavior, and who knows what else. And losing custody might be the motivation you need to actually look at yourself.
Second, when you are talking with your kids, remember that you are the adult. There is no reason that you should have been asking your son questions about the wedding. The only reason to ask if it was a church wedding was so that you could judge your XW, and make sure you son knew it. Totally passive aggressive. And telling him that HIS MOTHER's wedding meant nothing was completely wrong. You are all upset because you believe she said she would never get married? There's no way you could have really believed that, it's the kind of thing almost all of us might (and probably have) said at some point during in a divorce. But here's something I bet you didn't think of. You just showed your son how you treat people who do things that you don't agree with. And guess what, at some point, he is going to do something that he knows you won't approve of, and now he is a lot more likely to do it behind your back.
In the parenting class that I had to take as part of getting divorced, I learned (actually, I think I already knew it, but I was reminded) that young kids know that they are a part of both of their parents. So that any time you attack the other parent, to the child you are also attacking the child, in their mind. Their identities are hugely intertwined with their parents.
This woman that you hate so much (and I don't see much way around that) is the mother of your children. You are divorced, you don't have any right to control her any longer, not that you ever did. The only real expectation you can have when she has the kids is that they are safe. Other than that, what they do when they are with her really isn't anything you need to be worried about, and the same goes for her.
I'm sure, based on your previous posts, that you will take this as not supporting you. But sometimes support has to come in the form of telling someone things they don't want to hear. I do support you, but even more I support you kids. Please, take a good look in the mirror, for them.
