As for the telephone exchange, I'll just mention what I picked up from your recount.
It sounds to me that your H is bummed and, well...maybe a little shaken? He may not want to convey this to you and his reference to your bi*%@ing and whining are really more about what he is suppressing, or a distant cousin to what he is feeling deep inside himself.
Perhaps he is unable to verbalize whatever strong feelings he is experiencing right now, so what about leaning into those handy validation techniques as much as possible for the time being. Hopefully, that will help diminish fodder for future explosions.
I know that this is a painful time Zoo, but would it help to keep in mind that this latest exchange may not have been 'personal'? Could it have been a case of misdirected energy?
