My wife tried to end her affair around a half dozen times.. she was quite vulnerable and her OM was VERY manipulative... he knew exactly what to say to bring her back into the fog... and he did it...
Each time she ended her affair with OM - and it was always her ending things not him - she would tell him it never should have started.
It wasn't a matter of timing, she knew the first time she ended things during her EA with him that she had to end things... but she just didn't have the strength to do it... and her "friends" where foolishly supporting the A thinking she was "happier".
She regrets the whole mess now, she realizes how much time and stress it used up on us both and how much damage was done.
I have fully acknowledged I was far from a perfect spouse, and she has acknowledged the affair was not in any way a constructive solution... she just needed the strength to break away from him... and OM was single and his buddies endorsed his attacking my home as well...
I had next to no leverage to drive him away... Only one of my WS's friends actually spoke up against OM to him and told him OUTRIGHT to leave WS alone... but he didn't listen to her either (and they were friends at the time... not now).
