I just feel like if I detach...I should just detach and move on. The pain will be just as intense down the road..as it will be if I just nip it in the bud now. I feel like I am just prolonging the pain. I know that D is extremely painful..no matter when you decide to deal with it. Do I just face it head on...or exist in this 'dull' pain for awhile before facing the inevitable pain that is bound to come?
I am young (34)...and I still have a positive outlook on life and love... Am I just wasting time? I truly cannot move on with my life..detached or not detached...while I am still M. As long as I am still married..there is that glimmer of hope...that glimmer of hope prevents me from dealing with the pain of losing my M...I felt some of that yesterday when I truly thought I was ready to end it. I broke out in tears multiple times throughout the day thinking of how final everything would be when I filed for D. I am not sure if detaching will make anything easier when it comes down to that D day.
I want my life to be my own again. I hate being so out of control of everything..perhaps this is the lesson that I am learning...that you cannot be in control of everything..but I also do not want to sit back while life passes me by..waiting for something that may never happen..or may not be worth my wait. I don't mean to be a soggy diaper..but does anyone feel the same way?
