Quote: I guess the problem is just me. Every time I think I finally have a hold on everything and I start to get comfortable with H and the way the R is going my brain taps me on the shoulder and says "uh,excuse me, but I think you forgot to include me in this sitch" and the next thing I know I'm getting sucked into a black hole.
Ah Zoo, may I tap you on the shoulder too?
You've just described an area of MY brain - except that mine is a tad bit louder. It prefers large metal pans banging together while screaming, "Hello black hole".
Quote: I start remembering how things were this summer and then the first little phrase or action that H does that even remotely resembles some of his actions from then sends me scurrying frantically to "fix" stuff before it gets out of hand.
The heart starts pounding, palms start sweating and the neck is swallowed by the shoulders. Right?
Here's what I do now when this happens. (Mostly.)
I switch to another screen. I start focusing on what IS working, what I like about NOW compared to how things used to be. Yea, my heart continues to pound, my palms still sweat and my neck continues to gasp for air, BUT, switching to another screen helps me to 'ride it out' thereby averting reactionary responses.
I usually learn later on that my fearful thoughts were exactly that, fearful thoughts. And there's a bonus! My H is further reassured that I've committed myself to being less controlling and more trusting.
The struggle now is really more with me than my H.
