I guess I am confused with detachment..I feel like when I become more detached (caring about myself more...realizing that this relationship has been toxic and I need to separate..know that I am better right now without him...the feeling that I cannot imagine him back at this house)..I have that clarity. When I think about all of this being so final- I get cold feet. I don't know what I am supposed to feel right now.
There is the dichotomy in detachment.
I view my detachment in a similar fashion. It is said around here that many times when the WAS has decided to return; the LBS turns the tables and becomes the WAS. I can feel it in my sitch. Detachment DOES give you the opportunity to see just how TOXIC the M has become and how far you get "fogged" into the M. In other words and in my case, the "fog" of the M and "walking on eggshells" to keep it together clouded my perception of what was really happening and how I was REALLY being treated by my spouse.
This time allows one to reclaim one's individuality and many times after our "AH HA" moment; we fear going back to what we were so fervently fighting for. But that's the chance we take. In the end, whether the M can be reconciled or not; we have become healthier individuals. For surely we were not before.
I'm OK with my M ending. However, I believe in M and if my W is truly repentant and willing to do the work; I will CHOOSE to stay to prevent the scourge of D from affecting my family. But if she cannot do what's necessary; I'm prepared to protect my children and my own sanity.
