NEON RED is GO for Launch!

[Zoo]

Thanks Shiny

I had a nice post going last night when my network crashed...lost the whole darn thing

I guess the problem is just me. Every time I think I finally have a hold on everything and I start to get comfortable with H and the way the R is going my brain taps me on the shoulder and says "uh,excuse me, but I think you forgot to include me in this sitch" and the next thing I know I'm getting sucked into a black hole.

I start remembering how things were this summer and then the first little phrase or action that H does that even remotely resembles some of his actions from then sends me scurrying frantically to "fix" stuff before it gets out of hand.

That means questions.
Moodiness.
Squirrely behaviour that tends to exasperate H and piss him off.

H told me last night that I was acting "shaky" again...seeing things that weren't there, reading too much into nothing...and he was getting tired of it He didn't say this angrily but you could hear the weariness in his voice as he assured me once again that everything was fine...great even.

I suppose it didnt help me any that H had to tell me that he talked to OW the other night I ended up voicing my displeasure over THAT (I try my best to remain neutral when OW comes into convo). It wasn't something I wanted to hear since H keeps telling me that he DOESN'T talk to OW and avoids her as much as possible. H said it was hard to avoid her in a meeting since they both HAVE to be there...and she asked about a house that burned up down the road from us. To H it was an innocuous convo...to me, well, I just got this picture of them standing cozily in the corner having an intimate conversation that excluded everyone else in the room:( Over-active imagination? You bet!

I AM MY OWN WORSE ENEMY

It saddens me that I let one little negative push aside all of the BIG postives that I experience with h on almost a daily basis.

For the first time in in our R H told me that I am the love of his life.

H wears his wedding ring nearly all of the time now and will ask me to get it for him if he has taken it off for some reason and forgotten to put it back on. He has not left the house without it on for almost 3 weeks now.

H's spontaneous ILY's have been frequent this week and are often qualified with phrases like very much or more than anything as well as being accompanied by a hug, kiss or caress.

Since H installed our wireless network we are actually spending MORE time interacting with one another. Instead of H going upstairs and spending the whole night on the main comp (with me feeling like I'm intruding if I go up there) he now stays downstairs with me and is only on the laptop occasionally. We also are using the comp to play games and stuff with each other which has been rather fun (I am now hooked on mahjongg).

H installed IM at work so that he can talk to me when he is bored or needs to ask me something etc. I do have mixed feelings about this though. H seems to be going out of his way to let me know WHAT he is doing at work (away messages on IM will say "in meeting, away from desk, having a smoke" etc) and I dont want him to think that is necessary. I often feel like I might be bothering him if I IM him. Then there is the whole wondering WHO he might be chatting with besides me The best way I have found to deal with things so far is to basically let H IM me first or bother him ONLY if I have an errand that needs to be ran or a mundane question. H has assured me that I am not abusing the IM in any way nor am I bothering him so far.

This is about all my bogged down brain can decipher so far.

Hugz to all,
Zoo